Catching up with the past
by Lonaargh
Summary: Jack is having a few little problems which force him to request help from an old friend.. who isn't altogether pleased with his visit. Rated T for language to be on the save side. Completed.
1. Sims set back

_**Chapter 1 The Talking Closet**_

"Jasper, seriously.. could we please.. PLEASE go to sleep?"  
"Yeah, I just want to obtain that last skill point for body and promote into a War-arranger"

_-Grunt-_ I've had it.. we (my boyfriend Jasper and I, Ilona) have been playing Sims 2 on the Game Cube for 8 long, very long hours now.. I'm so fed up with it that I'm seeing a huge green diamond hanging above his head.. I wanna sleep! Where do I click to make myself go to sleep? Ow.. wait.. real world.. not Sims..

"Jeez Japs.. we've been doing this all day.. can't it wait until tomorrow?"  
"Technically speaking it already is tomorrow.." He glances at me.  
"You really are tired aren't you?"

Well doh! It's half past three in the morning!

"Yeah.. a little"  
"Well.. why didn't you just say so.. I'll save the game and we can go to sleep"

_-Glares at boyfriend-_ Girls.. did you ever notice how men can sometimes twist little conversations like this.. in which something is so evidently HIS fault.. into a conversation in which that same thing suddenly is YOUR fault?

"Why thank you dear" I say as sarcastically as possible while flopping down in the pillows. It takes him another fifteen minutes to finally climb in bed next to me. He just hád to check on several forums.. and all his mail accounts before going to bed. -_Sigh_- But still.. I love him.

Smiling I snuggle up to him as he turns off the lights. I grin as I put my arms around his neck and give him a small kiss on his lips.. and another.. and another.. and another one.. but longer this time. Jasper chuckles as he pushes me away a little.

"I thought you were supposed to be tired?" he asks.. I can see him grin in the gloom of the room.. hey. .that rhymes.. ghe..  
"Well.. yeah.. but.. hm.. I'm just an affectionate little girl?" Batting my lashes I smile as innocently as I can manage.. so probably I look like a very evil seductive little girl..  
"Good night Lona" with a kiss on my forehead he stops my babbling and pretty much commands me to go to sleep. Pssh.. well.. fine.. I can use the sleep..

**--A few hours later--**

-_Tap tap_- "Grmpfhsnfffhhawha?" That was me waking up..

Need.. sleep.. what was that sound? Squinting against the harsh red light of the alarm clock I try to figure out the time. 7 o'clock.. way too early..

"...great job.. couldn't do it myself.. yeah.." Jasper is talking in his sleep again. Sweet.. but I can feel myself getting more and more awake every second.

-_Tap Tap_- That sound again.. well.. I've heard it before.. and this time I'm ignoring it.

I turn around, and gently wrap my arms around Jasper's waist. So.. now I'm trying to go back to sleep again.

"Lona!" Someone whispers.. not too quietly I must mention. Ignore.. just.. ignore.. it'll go away.

"Blast.. it's really dark in here.. LONA!". The person has stopped whispering and is now nearly shouting. The sound comes from the bedroom closet. The lock of the closet is rattling, almost as if someone.. or something.. is trying to open it from the inside...while making a lot of racket!

This isn't going to work.. ignoring him is like refusing to acknowledge a huge tidal wave heading for your home, about to destroy everything.

Dammit..

Very carefully, so as not to wake Jasper I get out of bed. I put on his robe and walk stealthily towards the closet. Well.. as stealthily as can be after bumping into a chair, and the closet itself.

"What is it? It has been over a year since I last heard from you! Go away!"

"Aww.. come on.. you can't resist me y'know?"

Excuse me? I can't resist him?  
"I can't resist chocolate.. and unless you've turned into a very big talking chocolate bar, I very damn well can resist you! I'd even be grossed out by the talking bit.. chocolate isn't supposed to talk.."

Great.. now I'm babbling..

"Alright, alright.. so you can resist me.. just.. open this cursed door?" the voice concedes.

"What? No!" I stare at the door in shock. Letting him out? Letting him in I mean.. or is it out? Hm.. anyway.. I'm not opening the door! He isn't going to take over my life again..

"Aww come on! It's dark in here.. and stuffy.. and I think there's this huge spider somewhere".  
"And that's one of the reasons I'm not opening the door! That spider isn't coming out while I'm here!"

Jasper turns around in the bed. "Lona?" he asks, groggily from sleep.  
"Yeah.. right here.. I'll be back with ya in a jiffy"  
"Ok.. love you" Ghe. .What a sweetheart..  
"Yeah.. love you too"  
Back to the problem at hand..  
"Stop making all that noise! You're waking my boyfriend!" I hiss at the wooden door.  
"So open the damn door already so I can stop shouting"  
"No!"  
"Why not!"  
"Well... why should I?"  
"Why shouldn't you.. and I asked you first!"

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder, scaring me almost to death.  
"Aaieh!" Terrified I spin around, to see Jasper standing behind me.. in his boxers.. and.. well.. his boxers.. Normally this would've distracted me.. I mean.. six packed tummy and all.. but right now this presents a problem.  
"Lona.. why are you talking to my wardrobe?"  
"I'm not"  
"Well.. it seems to me like you are.."  
"But.. well.. I'm not.. really.. it.. well.. erhm.. yeah.. ghe.. it's really funny because.. uhm.. you see.. why are you awake?" I try to distract him with my reversed psychology.. ha!  
Jasper stares at the closet "I woke because I heard you saying to the closet that he isn't a piece of chocolate.. and I figured that needed some explaining"

Ah..right.. so much for the distraction.  
-_sigh_- why does everything has to be this complicated?  
"It's because.. well.. I'm practising my acting lessons.. and.. so.. I thought the closet would be a wonderful assistant.." I look at his face..  
"You're not buying this are you?"  
"No.. you're not even taking classes"  
"Owh.. right... I thought I forgot something.. Ok.. you want the truth? I'm not talking to a piece of furniture.. I'm talking to a pirate"  
Jasper just looks at me..  
"You're such a terrible liar you know?" And with these words he opens the doors..

And who stumbles out?  
Right.. The infamous Captain Jack Sparrow.. himself.


	2. Bang Bang

_**Authors note: Chapter 2.. up and going..**_

_**Oro: whaddaya mean poor Japs? Poor me.. Jack has come back to haunt me!**_

**Chapter 2: Bang Bang **

Great..just great.. I glare at Jasper.  
"You just hád to open the door.. you just didn't want to believe me, did you? Now look at what you've done! We've got a pirate in your bedroom!". With my hands on my hips I glare at my boyfriend.

Jasper is staring at Jack, who is leaning against the closet door, keeping it closed, panting heavily.  
"Lona.. why is there a Johnny Depp look-a-like, dressed like a pirate, standing in my bedroom?"

I glance at Jack, something is wrong here.. I just can't seem to figure out what..  
"Because you opened the door..that's why"

Jasper slowly nods..  
"Right.. I'm going back to bed.. when I wake up.. I trust this nightmare will be over". As in a trance he walks back to bed, lies down and pulls the covers over his head.

_-Blink-_ Riiigght.. I agree with the nightmare part.. but somehow I don't think it'll be over when he wakes up. I walk over to Jack, who still hasn't said anything.

"Jack, are you okay? You're awfully quiet all of a sudden.. "  
Jack only shakes his head, and slides down on the ground. Unconscious. What the..?  
"What do you think you're doing? You can't just pass out here, did you drink too much again?.. wake up Jack" I grab his arms and try to haul him upright, but something warm and liquid runs down my fingers. Blood..

Startled I drop Jack, who moans in pain. Great.. just great.. I turn on the lights and walk over to Jack, turning him around on his back. A quick inspection shows me that Jack has this ghastly looking wound in his right shoulder.. practically a hole. "Y'know Jack.. Bloody Pirate is not to be taken THIS seriously!" I grumble.

With a sigh I pull the covers from Jasper, who is pretending to be asleep.  
"Wake up"  
"I'm asleep.. And I will remain asleep until that person has left"  
"Jasper.. unless you help me.. that person will bleed to death.. on your carpet.. and trust me.. blood is extremely difficult to remove from carpets.."

He opens one eye and scowls at me.  
"So I'll throw away the carpet.. What's he doing here anyway?"  
"You opened the door!"  
"So? It's my door! I didn't expect to find a famous actor inside" Jasper mutters as he sits up and pulls on a t-shirt.  
" So? So now you have a problem.. A problem with a capital S.. Sparrow, not Depp.. Sparrow"

Only in his shirt and boxers Jasper examines the wound. Yay for boyfriends with First Aid diploma's!  
"The wound itself isn't too bad.. so why is he bleeding like that?" Hmm.. sexy quasi doctor mumbling.. Erhm.. sorry.

He frowns and bends forward a little, sniffing Jacks breath and immediately pulling back again.  
"Whew.. no wonder he's bleeding like mad.. it smells like he has emptied at least 10 bottles of alcohol"  
"10? He must be trying to easy down a little"

Jasper doesn't respond, but walks to the bathroom, barefoot. He returns with some bandages and something to disinfect the wound. "He should be going to the hospital, you know?"  
"Yeah I know.. but how would you explain to them that we've got Johnny Depp.. most likely shot down? Not to mention drunk?"  
He sighs, tying up the last of the bandages.

"You're probably right, well.. this should stop the bleeding for at least a little while.. now what?"  
"Find him some place to sleep?"  
"Hm.. do you think he would mind to sleep in the back yard?"  
"Jasper!"  
"What? He smells!"

-_sigh-_ Men..  
"Can't he sleep in your sisters bed? Seeing as she won't be home for another few weeks?"  
"Sure.. I guess we don't have any other option.. hope she won't miss the blankets and pillows.. seeing as we'll have to BURN them after this"  
"Jasper!"  
"Sorry"

We're standing there.. watching Jack.. who is still lying there..  
"So.. how do we get him there?" I ask.  
"Carry him I suppose"  
"Well.. what are you waiting for then?"  
"Me?"  
"Yes you! I can't carry him! He looks heavy!"

After a short argument, which I won.. of course.. Jasper finally concedes and is now dragging Jack to another room.  
I take off the robe and go back to bed. By the time Jasper is back, I'm asleep.

_The next morning _

"AAAAAAAAHH NOOOOOOO.. GET IF OFF! IT STINGS!" "NO! LEAVE IT ON! BAD PIRATE! BAD PIRATE!"  
Hm.. sounds like Jack is awake. And Jasper is trying to clean the bandages. Great. A lot of noise is coming from upstairs, almost as if they're fighting. I hear thumps, and cloings, and boffs.. and then.. complete silence.

I slide the baguettes into the oven and set the timer. After a few seconds I hear someone screaming again.  
"Get your filthy hands off me, mate!" "Who are you calling filthy! Not even the garbage container smells that bad!" "The what!"." And I'm not your mate!"  
Shrugging I continue reading my book, Leonardo, The Man and The Artist. Great book. Not a single pirate in it.. great.

A lot of stumbling, dropping and crushing/crashing noises.. and a sudden -_thud_- sound that sounds strangely awkward. With a very disturbing silence after that..

"Bloody.. LONA!" "Damnit.. LONA!" Two men.. both screaming my name at the same time.. Somehow I feel that I will never forget this moment.. too bad they're screaming for the wrong reason.

Sighing I lay my book aside and walk upstairs. I open the door only to see great chaos throughout the whole area. Doors have been thrown open, bottles with ointment strewn across the floor, aspirins scattered everywhere, pieces of broken glass, clothes.. and in the midst of it all.. crouching on the bathroom floor.. Jack and Jasper. Jasper is clutching his eye while looking very pissed off and Jack is trying to avoid my stare.

I can almost feel my mouth dropping open.  
"What has happened here? I only asked you to clean his wound and refresh the bandages.. and you very nearly succeeded in wrecking the house!"

"He hit me!" " He hurt me!" The two men are talking at the same time, both trying to get me to listen to him first.  
"Enough already! Jasper you first.. why are you covering your eye.. what happened?"

Jasper takes his hand from his face.. revealing a beautifully red eye.  
"Your great and fantastic Captain Sparrow just hit me.. without reason!"

_**DumDum Dum… another chapter finished. In the next one I'll explain why Jack hit Jasper and why Jack got shot..**_

_Love, Lona_


	3. Taking a shower

_Authors Note:  
Chapter 3 is up. Thanks for your reviews :) They keep me going.. _

_Alori: Thanks :) I always thought getting Jack in the future would be a tricky thing to do.. but I'll see where this ship'll end. :) My writing sure needs polishing.. so if anyone volunteers to be my proof reader.._

_Nicole: Witty? Cool:D thanks!_

_**Chapter 3: Taking a shower**_

Jack hit my boyfriend? What? I mean.. huh? Squatting down beside Jasper I gently press my fingers at the swelling around his eye. It looks red, and puffy.. and well.. it'll make a fantastic black eye in a few couple of hours.. But at least it doesn't seem as if anything is broken. Thank goodness for that.

"How did this happen? You two got in a fight or something?"  
"Yes! That.. that.. blundering buffoon wouldn't sit still while I cleaned his shoulder! So I had to hold him down a little, lest he hurt himself even worse. And all of a sudden he turns around and hits me in the face!"

Jack spins around, clutching his shoulder and scowls at Jasper.  
"You were trying to kill me!" His face red and flushed with rage he looks at me again.  
"That boy is a menace, he put something on my shoulder that would've killed me! It hurts like hell! It almost burned a hole in me shoulder!"  
Frowning I look around

"I did not try to kill you! I was simply trying to clean that mess up, if I let it go on like this it might get infected.. and THEN you would probably die!" Jasper yells in frustration.  
"Aww c'mon mate.. you were trying to kill me.. admit it.. you're jealous! You're afraid Lona won't be able to resist me, with my natural charms, and who's to blame her? But that isn't a reason to go and kill an innocent man"

Oh boy.. men and their ego.. I hand Jasper a washcloth, drenched in cold water.  
"Hold that to your eye, it should stop the swelling. What did you use to clean his shoulder with?"  
Jasper points to a rag lying at the floor, soaked in alcohol. Yeah.. that would've stung alright.  
I pick up the rag, looking forward to what I'm planning to do. I quickly give Jasper a little peck on his good cheek.  
"Why don't you go downstairs, check on the oven and such? Jack and I will be down in a minute.. ok?"

He glances over at Jack, who raises an eyebrow in a suggestive manner.  
"Are you sure? I mean.. I don't trust him.." I give him a devious smile, urging him out of the bathroom.  
"Oh.. I'm sure.. and don't come upstairs.. no matter what you hear.. ok?"  
Jasper frowns, until he finally gets what I'm saying. A mean looking grin appears on his face as he walks out the door.  
"Yeah.. no problem.. enjoy" when he closes the door, I can hear him laughing out loud. Hm.. I never thought he could be this sadistic.

I turn to Jack, who is grinning boyish.  
"So luv.. couldn't wait to be alone with me, could ya?"  
"Take off your shirt Jack"  
For a moment he's dumbstruck, but then he's grinning as he unbuttons his shirt, supposedly in a seductive manner.  
"And now what?" he asks, a lopsided smile on his face.  
"Your pants, don't worry, I'll turn around"  
I turn my face away, feeling Jack's stare on the back of my head.

"My pants? You're serious? But.. your boyfriend.. Lass.. I was only joking when I said.."  
"Yes I know Jack.. just.. do it alright?"  
I can hear him fumble with his pants, and a terrible smell spreads through the room.  
"There's a towel hanging on that rack there, please cover yourself before I turn around ok? I'll give you ten seconds"

When I turn around Jack is standing naked, except for a towel that he's holding protectively in front of his.. thing. He's frowning and looking a bit concerned.  
"Ok.. this has gone far enough.. what are you doing?"  
"I'm not doing anything.. but you are going to take a shower.. and clean yourself up a little.. when is the last time you've taken a bath?"

I can see a wave of relief washing over his face.  
"Bath luv? Must be 2 weeks ago, in the waters of Tortuga.. what's this shower thing you're babbling about?"  
Mockingly I raise an eyebrow.  
"Tortuga? No wonder you smell this bad"

Hm.. this isn't going to work.. I can't just let him take a shower naked.. not when I'm supposed to keep an eye on him..

"Wait here for sec will ya?" Jack shrugs and turns around, looking for things to keep himself entertained.  
"And don't touch anything!"  
I quickly grab a swimming boxer out of Jasper's drawer, when I suddenly hear a terrifying roar coming out of the bathroom.  
When I burst in the room I see Jack, who's looking wide eyed at the hair dryer..  
"Be careful lass.. that pistol just went off when I pushed it.. there's no telling what it might do further"

Right.. pistol.. a hair blower.. I toss him the boxers and turn off the dryer, putting it back on the sink.  
"Put it on Jack"  
This really is a hilarious sight.. Captain Jack Sparrow.. standing in a modern day bathroom, wearing a bright red boxer..  
Keeping back a giggle I open the door of the cabin and usher him in. Jack looks suspiciously at me.  
"What's this?"  
With an evil grin I turn on the warm water faucet, relishing Jack's surprised scream of terror.

"What devil designed this!" Jack hollers over the rush of water.  
"Oh shut up, you big baby. Serves you right, hitting Japs! Here.. turn around, so I can wash your back"  
Jack glares at me and regards the bottle with shower gel with suspicion  
"Blast woman.. what's that? Poison?"  
I force Jack to turn around.  
"It's soap, now stand still already!" Quickly I wash his back, careful to avoid his painful shoulder. Dirty water is cascading down his back. The sponge I'm using to scrub his back with, looks black with filth.  
"This is disgusting, you're a walking biohazard! It would be a natural disaster if you would fall into the ocean.. instant pollution!" I mutter as I rinse the sponge for the fourth time.

After fifteen minutes of intensive scrubbing Jack's backside (except for his buttocks of course) looks clean.  
"Turn around again Jack"  
He turns around, looking not very happy.  
"What's that smell? It smells like bloody flowers" he sniffs again "It's me! You're making me smell like a.. like a.. eunuch!"  
Rolling my eyes I start washing his chest and stomach  
"Stop your bawling, if I don't get you cleaned up your arm might infect seriously, just as Jasper told you before. And besides.. you smelled like a dump!"  
"I thought it was a manly smell" Jacks huffs.  
"Manly.. that's a great name for it.. no woman would dare walking around reeking like that!" I retort.

"So.. what brings you here actually? Except for the closet?" I ask, looking in his eyes.  
"Kind of a long story luv"  
"Well.. you'll be in here for a while.. so start telling"  
He looks away, chewing his lower lip in thought  
"Well.. you remember Barbossa? And the Aztec gold? It seems that Barbossa has a daughter.. feisty little creature. Somehow that girl has got the crazy idea that I'm to blame for her daddy's death. But I managed to talk her out of that.. at least for a little while"

-_blink_- Barbossa.. a daughter? That would mean he.. and… ohh gross.. wrong thoughts Lona.. very wrong thoughts.

"And she's the one who shot you?"  
"No.. that would be her brother"  
Double gross.. he has more children..  
"Takes after his father it would seem"  
Jack coughs, while trying to look the other way  
I stop washing his upper leg and look at him  
"Jack.. what did you do?"  
Jack quickly mutters a sentence under his breath "….slept…girl… stole.. map…"

"Correct me if I'm wrong.. but you slept with this girl.. Barbossa's daughter.. which I find a very, very sick thing to do.. you stole a treasure map from her father.. who is dead.. which isn't a very nice thing to do.. she found out you only used her to steal that map.. and now her brother is trying to reinstall her honour by having you killed.. great job Jack. Who's her brother.. someone I know?"

"Nah.. you wouldn't know him.. he's the new Commodore.. Norrington has been promoted to Governor"  
A bit roughly I scrub Jack's face, getting soap in his mouth  
"Of all the stupid things I've heard.. and why are you here?"  
I push his head under the showerhead, washing off the soap.  
"I thought I could, you know, hide myself in here for a while, until they've forgotten about me"  
"Jack.. this isn't your time.. I mean.. you didn't even know what a hair dryer was.. You just don't fit in!"  
"I could learn?"

Shaking my head I inspect his shoulder again, most of the dirt has been washed away..  
"Ok.. this is going to hurt a little.. try not to scream too loud.. we've got neighbours here.. And yeah.. you could learn.. but it isn't right. –_sigh_- I reckon we don't have any choice do we? I don't want you killed.. we'll figure out a solution.. If you promise not to wallop my boyfriend anymore!"

Very gently I wash the wound, using a cloth and warm water. Jack grits his teeth.  
"I promise luv.. thanks for the help. I appreciate it"  
Yeah right.. I know I'll regret this before the day is over  
"Don't mention it"

"Ok.. well.. if you could wash your.. lower regions yourself.. I'd be much obliged"  
I hand him the scrunchy sponge with some shower gel. Jack takes it and wiggles his eyebrows at me  
"Sure you don't wanna help with that, lass?"  
Folding my arms I stare down at his crotch for a few seconds, then I look back at his face  
"I'm sure Jack, wouldn't want to embarrass you now would I?"  
His face flushes as I step out of the cabin, drying my arms and hands.

After a while I hear him pulling the short on again.  
"Ready, now how do I turn this damn thing off?"  
Oh boy.. I really am going to regret this..

Now we're standing in Jasper's bedroom, Jack is wearing trousers and socks from Japs. He looks a little bit silly, as the clothes are too big for him. Ghehe.. my big, broad, muscled, long, boyfriend.. ahem.. sorry again..

Holding a clean towel drenched with alcohol I warn Jack.  
"Please hold still.. This is the same stuff Jasper used, and it really is necessary.. but it is going to hurt"  
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow luv.."  
"Yeah I know.. I heard you screaming when I was in the kitchen this morning"

Finally Jack is all cleaned up.

_There.. chapter 3 finished.. bit dull.. but that'll be fixed in the next chapter I hope.._


	4. Gossip

_A lot of babbling in this chapter.. BTW.. could someone please tell me what Mary Sue means? I haven't been accused of it yet, but I've read it in several reviews to other stories.. I wanna know! _

_**Chapter 4: Gossip**_

Jasper is sitting at the kitchen table when I come down the stairs. He's eating some warm bread with butter _–A/N I can't find the right translation... herbal butter? Rings a bell? It's butter with herbs in it.. Garlic mostly-_ and his eye looks dreadful.

Oh my gosh.. what did I get myself into? Jack in this century.. that's bound to go wrong.. no really.. he's going to get us all killed.. or at least seriously hurt.

I rush over to Jasper, hugging him and giving him a kiss. He responds by smiling at me and rubbing the back of his hand against my cheek.. isn't he cute? Then he sees Jack.. wearing his clothes.. he stands up and walks towards Jack.  
"Well.. at least you don't smell like a pig anymore" he says, flashing a quick smile "Hope you two had fun taking that shower"

He said what? Almost choking on my piece of bread I try to catch a breath.

Slowly a grin appears on Jacks face, flashing a few gold teeth.  
"Aye lad.. the lady did have some fun.. "  
Aiegh.. great.. now Jasper's going to think I'm a pervert..  
Jasper chuckles softly.  
"Yeah.. she has a mean streak sometimes.. but I think you've dealt with that before"

Hey.. hello? Still standing here? Hearing everything you two are saying about me?

Casually, Jack sits down on a chair, grabbing a chunk of bread and taking a bite. He laughs.  
"Yeah.. did she tell you she once left me in the brig? Or that other time, when she burned all me rum? After almost raping me?"  
"I did NOT rape you!"  
"No luv.. that's what I said.. almost"  
"Did not!"  
"And, once.. she threw a shoe at my head"  
"You deserved it! "

The two men are ignoring me completely and continue talking about all the "_mean_" things I ever did.  
"A shoe? She never did that to me..." Ha! See? I'm a rather nice girl..  
"..she only threw a bag of sweets at my face a while ago.. too bad she never joined the baseball team.. she has a strong pitching arm"  
"Did you ever see her drunk mate? That's a sight you'll never forget"  
"Ow yeah.. been there, done that.. was pretty funny actually, she kept trying all the buttons in the car.. asking _What does this button do?_"

Ok.. this has gone far enough.  
"STOP!"  
Jasper grins at me.  
"What? I thought you wanted us to get along? We now found something we have in common"  
Jack smirks  
"Yeah.. you"  
I growl.. really.. growling.. like.. Rarrrr... only much more ferocious like.. and less like a cute little kitten  
"Stop it.. we've got some things to take care of.. first of all.. getting that -_points at Jack_- into some proper clothes"

Jasper nods, and after a hasty breakfast I get the car keys. Jack swaggers behind us, following us outside.  
"Well.. where do ye keep the horses mate?"  
"Wrong century Jack.. we don't use horses anymore.. well.. most people don't.. we are travelling in that" I point at my cute little Citroën AX.  
Scratching his chin Jack asks  
"And what.. exactly.. is thát?"  
"A car"

Jasper suddenly starts laughing out loud  
"You can't call that a car.. it's a cookie bin on wheels!"  
Oh! That mean.. mean.. mean.. him! Grrr. I smack him on the shoulder and unlock the door for Jack.  
He isn't getting in.. why isn't he getting in? Frowning I motion for him to get in the car.  
"Wha? In there? But how is it going to move? Without horses? And is it save? How does it work?"  
"GET IN THE FLIPPIN' CAR ALREADY"

Yeah.. my patience is slowly coming to an end.. that's the sort of thing Jack does to me..  
Jasper is laughing so hard, tears are streaming down his face.. great just.. great  
"What are you laughing at, blue eyes?" I snap at him.  
He stops laughing.. wipes away the tears, looks at me.. and starts the laughing thing all over again.

Men..

Finally Jack gets his piraty ass inside the car.  
"Okay.. everybody got their seat belts on?"  
"Yeah Jack.. you're going to need it.. she's driving"  
"Japs!"  
"Love ya?" He grins his special 'I love you and you know that so you won't get angry with me no matter what I do' grin. I hate it when he does that.  
-_sigh_-

I turn the key and the engine roars to life.. erhm.. rattles to life.. no.. it isn't that bad.. just.. comes to life..  
I look in the rear view mirror and see Jack fumbling with the lock of the door.  
"Jack! What are you doing!"  
"Get out! Get out! There's this huge beast in this contraption! Didn't you hear it roar?"  
I think Jasper is going to die.. can someone die from laughing too hard?  
"No Jack.. it's just fine.. it's just the car.. erh.. perhaps Jasper can explain it to you once he's stopped laughing. You should try whacking him on the shoulder.. that usually helps.. or kissing him.. that does the trick for me.. though I doubt he'll like that.. "  
Lona.. babbling.. oh.. right..

Putting the car in reverse I manage to get us from the parking lot in one piece, with Jack on the backseat, looking around in awe. And Jasper on the front seat.. making very suspicious laughing/chocking noises.

After a short drive we arrive at the city centre, with shops! Parking.. right.. hate that.. I never seem to get it right. So after three tries I give up, turning the engine off and shooing the two guys out of my car.  
Jasper and Jack get out and leave the locking of the doors to me.. yes, my car is old, yes, the locking of the doors is to be done manually...yes.. that is almost from last century.. now hush!  
Jasper shakes his head, looking at my wonderful parking performance. Which means that three of the four wheels are not in the parking space.. and the fourth wheel is exactly in the middle of the square.. now.. take a minute to picture that in your mind.. ok.. thanks.. you can stop laughing now.

_A/N I live in Holland.. so does Jasper.. and almost everyone in Holland speaks Dutch.. and a few speak German.. and another few think Fries is a language.. but English.. no.. Sadly, because Jack doesn't speak Dutch, and probably 98 percent of the readers on FF have this same small setback.. this presents a minor problem. Because in reality, the shopkeepers wouldn't understand Jack.. and Jasper and I don't communicate in English.. ok.. I'll stop babbling.. So I. .Lona.. the author.. decide to let everyone in Holland.. or at least in this Fic, talk some sort of English.. UR welcome :)_

Jack carefully pokes the hood of my car with his finger "Remarkable" he mumbles under his breath.  
"Yes, yes.. it a miracle, the wonders of the Twenty first century, now come on".

Jasper and I lock hands as we let Jack wander around in front of us, keeping an eye on him where ever he goes. Our first goal.. find shoes. Jasper has size 46, and Jack.. doesn't wear shoes.. and we found out Jasper's shoes are WAY too big for him..

We first go to the ShoeGiant (SchoenenReus.. for our Dutch readers).  
The shopkeeper is giving us strange looks.. well.. not really surprising.. I mean.. Jack still looks.. well.. like Jack.. But more.. clean.  
"Can I help you?" he asks, looking down his nose at us.  
"Aye mate, show us your finest boots" Jack says as he looks around the shop curiously.  
Oi.. this man is looking a wee bit snobbish..  
"Boots sir? What size?"  
Jack looks surprised  
"Well.. 30 centimetres high would do it I think"  
-_Cough-_ Time to step in.  
"Excuse my friend here, he's from erhm.. abroad, I'd say his size is 42.. please? Black shoe's, leather, but still casual would be best I imagine" I flash him my sweetest smile.  
"Yes.. quite.. wait here miss.. sirs"

_Yay... another chappie done.. more in the style of Dream On..lemme know what you think and what you prefer.._

_Love, Lona_


	5. Killer Coke

**_A/N: I'm back! Went to Jasper for the weekend.. as always.. and it was fun! As always :) But didn't have a chance to write.. or update.. so.. here it is._**

**_Alori: _Thanks for the explanation! My story itself is a little bit unrealistic.. yeah..-_and proud of it_- but I try to let Lona react the same way as I would in real life.. even though I'm not quite sure I would react so calm if someone would use my boyfriend as a boxing ball :D Oh.. and I corrected the mistake in Chapter 4 :) TY!**

**_Nicole:_ I liked the bathroom scene too.. Jasper didn't.. well.. he didn't like the idea of Jack being naked and me standing there in the same room.. he doesn't seem to get that this is fiction.. bless him :) He's so friggin' cute sometimes**

_**Chapter 5: Killer Coke**_

Waiting.. bored.. What's keeping that guy? It's been over 15 minutes since he left to get Jack some shoes to try on. Jasper is standing in front of a mirror, examining his bruised eye. The poor guy.  
"Y'know.. I could tell the guys at school I was in a fight with at least a dozen very big men, and I kept them at bay all alone"  
"Sure.. you could tell them that.. and who knows? Perhaps they'll believe you.. and perhaps.. someday.. pigs will fly" With a wink I give him a hug.

Finally the shopkeeper comes back, carrying five shoe boxes.  
"If the sir would be so kind to try these on? They should fit your description rather well, Miss"  
"Well Jack, go ahead.." Jack.. where's Jack? He was here just a minute ago.. oh no.. the cash register! Never leave a pirate alone with money! Terrified of what I might see, I carefully glance over my shoulder at the counter.. Nope.. no Jack.  
"Jack? Where are you?"

"Over 'ere!" From somewhere near the ladies shoes I hear his voice calling out.  
Working my way through the shopping crowd I finally reach Jack..

He's regarding himself in one of the mirrors, wearing a pair of woman cowboy boots. Yuck.  
"Jack.. they look disgusting"  
"Yeah.. I know.. can I have them?

The boots are a filthy looking colour brown, with all sorts of doodles and thingies.. a flower pattern embroidered on the nose.. in short: Icky.

"You want these?"  
"Yeah.. I like them"  
Frowning I look down at the boots again.. he likes them.. this man has a very strange taste..  
"Are you sure Jack? I mean.. they áre woman boots.. and that nice man has gone over all this trouble to find you some nice shoes.."  
Jack simply shrugs  
"Don't want them.. I like these.. and that man isn't nice.. and how can shoes be nice? They don't talk or act"

Sigh.. and people say woman are a tough crowd when it comes to shopping.

"If you say so Jack"  
I take the price tag to the counter and give the shopkeeper an apologizing smile  
"I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, but my friend decided he wants these boots"  
At first the man looks annoyed.. until he scans the tag.. a beaming smile appears on his face.  
"No problem Miss, no problem at all.. now.. will that be cash, cheque or PIN?"

_-gulp-_ 300 euro? That bloody, stinking pirate sure knows his shoes.  
"Erhm.. PIN please"

A few moments later we walk out of the store.. Jack is trotting along happily on his new boots. I wonder if the embroidering is made of gold or something.. 300 bucks.. jeez.  
We spent the rest of the afternoon in several men's wear stores, and I've got to say.. apart from the boots.. Jack looks great. Too bad he refuses to go to a barbershop.

"No! My stay here is temporary! I will not.. I repeat.. I will NOT let anyone do anything to my hair!"  
"But Jack.."  
"Lona, give the man a break.. you've given him a total makeover.. let him keep his hair for cryin' out loud"  
Jasper sighs  
"But.. I.."  
"No!" Jack is looking frustrated and keeps his hand protectively on his hair  
"Oh alright" I grumble. "Let's go get something to eat.. I'm starving.."

Jack glares at me.. not entirely trusting me for giving in after a mere 20 minutes of arguing.  
"You're not going to press this matter?"  
"What matter?"

Confused Jack looks at Jasper  
"What's she up to?"  
He just shrugs "Don't know.. Lona.. you're acting strange.. you don't normally give in that fast.. what's wrong?"

Argh.. why is it that everyone keeps thinking I'm up to some evil scheme or something? I mean.. that only happens 9 out of 10 times.. this could easily be the 10th time.. right?

"Nothing is wrong.. why should anything be wrong? Look.. we can eat something here"  
"What? This isn't a tavern" Jack looks around even more confused. "This looks like one of those shoe stores"

"Well.. frankly.. it is.. but this one has a restaurant at the top floor.. "  
The three of us take a seat at a window view table and I take a glance at the menu card.  
"That'll be fries and salad for me.. what do you want Japs?"  
"Pizza!" Right.. how could I forget?  
"Jack?"  
"Rum!"  
"Something to eat Jack.. and they don't sell beverages with that many alcohol in it here"  
"Stew?"  
"You know what.. I'll order something for you.."

After a little while the waitress brings our food.. yay! Food! Fries with salad and gypsy sauce for me, pizza Bolognese for Japs and a Croque Monsieur for Jack. And 3 glasses of coke.

"So.. what's our next plan of action?"  
I swallow the fries and shrug "Haven't got the faintest idea.. I guess there isn't much to do.. we just have to hide Jack until they've stopped searching him.. I think"  
Jasper nibbles on a slice of pizza, staring ahead of him in thought "But.. we're in the future.. how can they forget about him if he stays here long enough.. if he goes back.. won't he come back in exactly the same time and space as when he left?"

Huh? Come again?  
"BLOODY HELL! POISON! AGAIN!" Jack suddenly jumps up from his chair, after drinking a little of his cola. Spraying the stuff in our faces.  
"Jack! Calm down! What's wrong?" Jasper pushes Jack back down on his chair.  
"What is this stuff? There's something in it that tried to eat my tongue! I could feel it skittering and popping an' bubbling in me mouth!"

Carefully I pick up Jack's glass and examine it, dipping my finger in it, tasting it, sniffing it.. attempting to look through it.  
"There's nothing wrong with it.. it's just.. cola.."  
"Nothing' wrong with it? It almost sizzled a freakin' hole in my mouth!"  
"Stop exaggerating Jack"  
"I'm not!"  
Jasper is looking at the drinks.. obviously thinking about something.

"It's a vile drink! Even more vile than rum.. at least rum won't kill ya! Well.. not so quickly anyway"  
"You're still alive, it didn't kill you! Nor did it kill me or Jasper!"  
"Lona.. do you remember the first time you ever had cola?"  
"No"  
Jasper glares at me  
"What? I really can't remember! I was a young soft drink addict.. so sue me!"  
"Maybe some day I will.. but anyway.. my point being.. the very first time a child drinks this stuff.."  
"Are you callin' me a baby now mate?"  
"Shut up.. the first time it'll hurt a little on the tongue.. the bubbles? Remember?"

"Yeah.. I think I can remember my little nephew crying the first time he drank it.. but.. after the first gulp he was alright.. even laughed because it tickled his mouth from the inside.. stupid kid.. so that means Jack's a very big baby?"  
"Am not!"  
"Well.. perhaps.. he's just a little sensitive"  
"AM NOT!"  
"Try it again.. please? For me?"  
"For you? After you called me a baby? Don't think so luv"  
Of all the stupid, arrogant.. grrr  
"So. prove it then.. prove you're not a baby!"  
Jack glares at me.. grabs the glass and downs it all in one go. Wow.. Impressive.. Even I won't do that..  
"And? Still think it's eating your mouth away?"  
"grnrnrrfff" Jack is making swallowing noises.. and looks a bit bloated..  
Erhm.. perhaps something went wrong.. Jack is clutching his stomach.. and suddenly lets out this huge belch.. which I won't repeat here.. due to young readers whose precious little minds I do not wish to corrupt.. or something like that..

"Ahem.. right.."  
"Yeah.."  
"That was great! Rum won't do that to you! Bartender! Another round!"  
"NO!"  
"NO!"  
"Just.. eat your food Jack" at least he won't have troubles with the tosti_.(Croque Monsieur.. or whatever you not Dutch people call it)_

So much for my appetite.. staring at my fries I hear Jasper gasp.. and hear Jack gobbling something down besides me.. gobbling down? You can't gobble down bread. Well.. normal people don't gobble down bread.

I look at Jack.. and can't help myself.. I start laughing really loud.  
"This I like.. a good, sturdy soup"

Right.. remember that sauce I mentioned that came with my fries? Gypsy? Jack thinks it's soup, and he's drinking it all down now.. without a spoon.. just.. the bowl at his lips.. and go.. I guess you should've seen it.. I can.. and it's a stunning sight.  
Clearing his throat, Jasper taps Jack on the shoulder  
"You don't want to be doing that.. I'm sure"  
"Why not? You try it.. it's great.. a bit on the sweet side.. but still, I've had worse"  
Glaring angrily at me.. for still not being able to talk.. because I'm almost under the table from laughing, Jasper tries desperately to pry the bowl from Jack fingers.. and fails miserably  
"Because Jack.. that isn't soup.. erhm. how do I explain this.. "

Well.. after five more minutes, Jasper finally convinces Jack to stop slobbering down the sauce. At least.. that's what Jasper likes to think. The fact that the bowl was empty is something that comes in second place apparently. For some silly reason the waitress asked us, very impolitely, if we would please leave because we were embarrassing the other guests. Pssh.. the nerve of some people.

Let's head back for the car.

_And another chapter done :) I am thinking about doing a parody on a Mary Sue.. in POTC I mean.. but I'll get back on that one later (I've still got 3 other stories to finish.. and 1 story I want to rewrite.. so.. busy.. but.. writers block on those stories.. bad me)_


	6. That sneaky not nice man!

Chapter 6!  
Not even an Authors Note? Nope :)

_Nicole: Don't worry.. I'll keep on writing :) Thanks for your great reviews! I need them.. keep them coming ;)_

_Kei-Ookami.kara.mori: Great review! I updated!_

**Chapter 6: That sneaky not nice man!**

"Aw come on Luv.. you know you want to!"  
"I know what I want.. and trust me.. I do NOT want to!"  
"Yes you do"  
"No I don't"  
"If she let's you.. I'm walking home"  
"He's not getting the keys!"  
"Ah luv.. please?"  
"NO! I'd like to live for another few days thank you so very much"  
"For once.. I agree with Lona"

"Tha.. HEY!"  
"But I want to learn how to master the creature!"

Come again? Master? Creature?  
"You're not getting to master anything! You perv! Let alone drive my car!"

I think you can get the picture.. Jack decided he wanted to "tame the ferocious beast" - _makes quotation marks with her fingers_- Well.. there's no way on the whole world.. and even beyond that.. that he's getting behind the steering wheel!

"Get in Jack!"  
"No!"  
"NOW!"  
"NO!"  
"Fine.. be that way!"  
"Fine! Now give me the magical stick!"  
"It isn't a stick! And it isn't magical! Geez! It's a key! Why don't you get that! They did have keys in your time didn't they!"  
"Yeah.. sorry.. you didn't need to shout about it"  
"GET IN THE CAR! NOW!" Jasper and Jack get in the car as quick as they can. I still stand outside.. fuming.. I can even imagine steam coming from my ears.

After taking a few deep breaths, I get in the car.. and drive us back to Jasper's home.  
In the living room I crash down on the couch.. not wanting to speak to either of them.  
Jasper carefully looks at me  
"Erhm.. Lona.. I'm going upstairs now.. COD match and all"  
"A COD what? Can I see?"  
"Yeah.. sure.. I guess I'll have to explain a computer first.. and then.. the concept of gaming.. but we'll see how far we come"

Jack and Jasper are walking upstairs.

Pssh.. he isn't even giving my ignoring skills full credit. Fine.. psh. Just in case you people don't know.. COD (Call of Duty) is a game in which silly little people are killing other silly little people online.. and Jasper is a clan leader of sorts.. beh.. Pah.. I'd like to see him explain thát to Jack..

-_After a full hour of sulking and being completely ignored_-

"He shot me!" that was Jack's voice.  
"No! You're still alive.. cover your back! Shoot him!"  
And that was Jasper..

This has been going on for the last hour now.. and very frankly.. I can't take it anymore..  
Frustrated I walk over to the fridge, I need something cold to drink.. preferably with lots and lots of sugar.. but alcohol would do nicely too..

I open the fridge.. and some guy.. wearing an awful posh suit tumbles out.  
"First the closet.. now the fridge.. STOP INVADING MY LIFE ALREADY!"  
Grumbling I grab a bottle of beer and shuffle back to the couch.  
"Where am I? Who are you?"

The guy.. in his posh suit.. a navy suit by the looks of it.. only terribly outdated.. looks very confused.. and stands in front of me.. blocking my view at the television.

"You are in my boyfriends living room.. and to be honest.. I've got absolutely no idea who you are.. but you look like a friend of Norrie.. so you can bugger off again.. thank you oh so very much"  
-_ takes swig from bottle-_ Ahh.. beer.. alcohol..  
"Norrie?" The man.. obviously not so very smart.. frowns  
"Yes.. Norrie.. Norrington.. commodore of the Port Royal ship thingie wussname.. and if you were.. you know.. looking for the way out.. you came in that way" - _points at fridge door-_  
"Ah.. so you know the ex-commodore then.. perhaps you're an accomplice.. I've got to arrest you miss"

Exsqueeze me? Arrest me? In your dreams  
"Arrest me? On what grounds mister? You're not even in your own friggin' country! So.. skidaddle away!"

I drain the bottle, shove the guy away, get up and make my long way towards the refrigerator again..  
"By the way.. if I see any of you coming out of the cupboard in the bathroom while I'm taking a shower.. I'll swear I'll make that person a eunuch!.. you didn't stand on the cheese did you? I was hoping on eating that tomorrow at breakfast"  
I open the new bottle and turn around, facing the.. the.. guy.. thingie..  
"Cheers mate.. beer?"

The guy looks at me.. a really snobbish look on his face  
"Ma'am.. in the name of the Royal Navy I hereby place you under arrest, please surrender calmly"  
Surrender? Yeah right  
"Now listen here mate! My boyfriend is right upstairs.. _-clicky noise.. like a gun being loaded_- and he'll.. he'll.. he.. "

The brute has pointed a gun at my head!  
"I'll ask you one more time Ma'am.. please surrender"

"Or what? You'll blow a hole in my head? Hm.. you know what? I'll surrender.. and.. erhm.. just out of curiosity.. how were you planning on getting us out of here?"  
Without a word, he grabs my arm and drags me and my beer in the fridge.. just before the door closes I manage to cry out.  
"JASPER! GET YOUR BUM DOWN HERE RIGHT NOOOOOWWW!"

-_somewhere in the refrigerator.. or.. not exactly._.-

Next thing I know my nose hits something wooden.. for the second time in my life..  
"Not again" I moan, before being hauled upright again.  
Lo and behold.. Port Royal.. I'm getting a little bit sick of this.. I mean.. the weather's great and all.. but.. just for once.. I'd like to be a tourist instead of being dragged in here involuntarily!  
"Come on you"  
"Hey! What happened to the Madam and Miss? You.. you.. beh!"

I want my boyfriend! –_Sobs- _

_**So.. chappie done :) I'm back in Port Royal! Oh nooo! R&R please.**_


	7. We all pass away

**_A/N Yay.. I'm back.. didn't have a chance to update for a few days.. or to write at all for that matter.. but here it is.. another chapter.. yay! _**

_Nicole: I wrote more! I'm even writing now.. well.. I will be after I've finished with these Author Notes.. So.. I'll stop staring again. .ghe.. right.. ok.. stop babbling.._

_PirateObsessed: Yeah! I loved your story too! Thanks for the review.. I crave reviews.. As for the translating.. it isn't really all that hard.. 'cause all the kids here are getting English when they're.. what? 8 years old or something? The whole problem is just that it's basic English.. which leaves a lot of room for grammar and spelling errors.. and grrr.. Spanish.. wow.. I want to learn that.. I only speak French and German and English and Dutch –**pouts**- But here's the next chapter. .so. .enjoy!_

_Shotgunxwedding: Mary Sue.. yeah.. I finally know what it means! But I don't think I'd like writing a MS.. well.. not for POTC.. and definitely not when I have myself as a main character.. I started writing a MS (without me even knowing it) for MASH and CSI last year.. but that sort of hit a wall.. writers block wall –**very much ashamed of self**- Glad you like my story though.. I'll stop babbling again.. sorry :)_

_Kei-Ookami.kara.mori- Never, never, never trust a white wigged man in a navy suit! Especially not when he has a gun and comes popping out of your closet/fridge/any other household item!_

_**Chapter 7: We all pass away**_

"Die.. die.. we all pass away.. now don't wear a frown 'cause it's really okay.." So.. I'm back.. not only back in Port Royal.. but back in jail too.. I never noticed this before.. but these jails make great echo's.. I can hear myself singing!  
"Now you might try and cry, and you might try and pray.. but we all end up the remains of the day.. yeah yeah yeah.. yeah yeah.."  
"Shut up already! Wench!"  
"Who are you calling a wench? You.. you.. you.. pirate you!"

Suddenly a wig head appears in the cell next to me.. a very familiar wig head..  
"I am NOT a pirate! And I'll warn you, if you don't cease that awful noise at once I'll do something very nasty to you!"  
It's Norrington!  
"Norry!"  
His eyes widen up to the size of saucers.. he's so very delighted to see me.. bless his kind heart..  
"No.. no.. this can't be.. not you.. no... GUARD! NO! THIS IS CRUEL! RELEASE ME! PLEASE!"

Ok.. so don't bless his dark, evil heart.  
"Hey" I slam my hand against the bars to get his attention. "Stop shouting! Be nice!"  
Norrington gives me a dark look  
"Stand back.. you vile creature!"  
Vile creature?  
"I thought I told you to be nice.. what have I ever done to you?"  
"Every time you are around, all sorts of things start going wrong.. like.. Jack Sparrow taking the Dauntless.."  
"Yeah.. well.. that would've happened any way.. that didn't have anything to do with me"

"But it happened while YOU were in Port Royal"  
"I was not! I was aboard the Black Pearl! You wig head!"  
"Minor details! The crew of that ship sacked Port Royal.. They kidnapped Miss Swann and killed a great many of my own crew! Not to mention that Jack Sparrow escaped AGAIN, Miss Swann ran away with Mr Turner and after that with another pirate, and thanks to you.. I myself became a pirate for a few black.. black.. very black weeks!"

Ghe.. yeah.. well.. but..

"Well.. so what? What's so bad about all that.. except for the killing of the men part.. of course"  
"You are evil revisited!"  
"Stop shouting that already! You're giving me a bad reputation!"  
"You were the one who got me in this place!"  
-_blink_- Me? Cool.. I can send someone to jail.. without me knowing it..  
"I did not.. I was at home! Some 300 years in the future.. or at least.. not in this movie!"  
"You made me a pirate.. you somehow put those thoughts in my head.."

"What happened anyway? I thought you were back to normal.. being commodore and all.. Governor even.."  
"They accused me of killing the new commodore's sister"  
"The same sister that accused Jack of stealing and seducing?"  
"The one and the same.. how do you know that?"  
"You guys do realize that you made a son of Barbossa.. that evil undead, now very dead, pirate.. Commodore.. do you?"

"We do.. but we figured that it isn't fair to blame a son for the mistakes his father made.."  
Right..

"And why did you kill that girl?"  
"I didn't!"

"Well.. why else would you be in here?"  
"I'm wrongfully accused!"  
"That's what they all say, buster!"  
"But I... and what, exactly, are you doing in here, if I may ask?"  
"Some guy.. probably a friend of yours.. popped out of my.. I mean my boyfriends, refrigerator and dragged me in here.. muttering something about me being your accomplice"  
"You? My accomplice? Why on earth would he think that? If I truly wanted to take over the entire Caribbean, I wouldn't have chosen you.."  
"What? Why not? I'm great in planning for world domination"  
"Well I'm not!"  
"Pssh.. well.. there's your problem right there.. you're not ambitious enough.. why only the Caribbean.. take the world!"  
"I don't even want the bloody Caribbean!"

"Mind your manners.. you're in the company of a lady mate!" A voice from the cell on the other side speaks up..  
"Thanks mister! See Norrie.." "Norrington" "Jamey.. some people do know how to act proper"  
James just mutters and turns his back on me. I shrug and continue singing  
"It's a beautiful day.. it's a rather nice day.. it's a beautiful day for a wedding.. a rehearsal my dear, to be perfectly clear.. a rehearsal for a glorious wedding"..  
A soft, tortured sound emits from the huddle named Norrie:  
"Nooooooooooo"

**_Jasper's point of view  
_**He isn't doing too bad.. considering he is a pirate and never has seen a computer before.. at least he has stopped aiming his real gun at my computer.  
"Muahaha.. eat tha' ya scurvy seadog!" Jack is shouting, trying to make himself be heard above the noise of the boxes, from which gun rattling and shouting men can be heard.

"Gah! Mangy shiprat!"  
Too bad about the pirate lingo.. it doesn't suit the game entirely.  
"Okay Jack.. I think it's time we'd get back to Lona"  
I turn off the sound boxes, filling the room with silence.  
"NOOOOOWWW!" That was Lona's voice.. Lona's panicky voice. Lona's if-you-don't-get-here-this-minute-there's-gonna-be-trouble-voice.

Jack and I look at each other for a few seconds, before we both burst through the door and run downstairs.  
"Lona? Lona where are you?"  
This is stupid, where can she be? It isn't as if she's hiding.. I mean.. she's almost 21.. But then again.. it's Lona.  
I start looking under the couch "Come out, come out where ever you are"  
"What do you think you're doing Lad? She isn't the one for hiding ya know?" Jack is standing right behind me, arms crossed over his chest. Apparently his shoulder isn't that bad anymore.  
"Well.. if you've got some better plan.. spill it.. I'd like to know why my girlfriend was yelling like that.."  
Jack glances around the room, the television still screaming, the fridge door open wide..  
"I'd reckon she left through that"  
Now he's pointing at a bit of lettuce in the refrigerator.  
"Right.. sure.. she flew away on a piece of vegetable.. so.. how's that fever of yours going?"  
Jack smacks me at my head! Hey!  
"Hey! I thought Lona told you not to hit me anymore"  
"Then stop saying those stupid things! Of course she didn't fly away.. she used this storage space to go to my time.. and from the looks of things.. she wasn't alone"  
"I am not travelling in my own household appliances!"  
"Your what?"  
"Never mind.. I'm just saying that I'm not doing it!"

Jack sighs.. thinks for a minute.. and suddenly drags me upstairs again. He bursts into my bedroom, yanks the closet open, pushes me in and slams the door shut again.  
"Damnit Jack! Let me out!"  
No response  
"Jack! I mean it.. now!"  
With a hard kick against the door I tumble out and.. hey.. this isn't my room anymore.. I'm.. outside.. somewhere..  
"Ey you! Where's you boat? It's a shilling to tie up.. and don't you even think about hiding your boat, because Commodore Barbossa won't be too happy if he finds out"  
Right.. guy that looks like that guy from 'Allo 'Allo.. just ignore.. perhaps it'll go away..

From somewhere in the distance, a soft sound can be heard.. like someone yelling at the top of his lungs.. and it grows louder and louder..

-_splash_- Ah.. it seems Jack has arrived here too..  
Spluttering and cursing he surfaces again  
"Give me a hand mate" I grab his hand and pull him on shore. A bit out of breath he turns over on his back, and grins at me, his golden teeth shimmering in the bright sunlight  
"Welcome to Port Royal mate.. let's go and find our Lass"

_Done.. and it's weekend again.. so probably won't update again 'till Monday.. unless Jasper has to work tomorrow and I'm bored.. hm..ok.. next update: probably tomorrow.._

_Love, Lona_


	8. I sprung a man from jail!

**_Tadaaa… I'm back.. Sorry I didn't update for a few days.. but on Saturday I was way too busy playing Pokémon on the GC.. and on Monday I was in bed with this awful migraine.. EVIl! _**

_Kei-Ookami.kara.mori: Oh.. he will suffer.. trust me.. suffer he will –muahahaha- _

_Shotgunxwedding: Do not not review! I love reviews! Thank you so much for your review! Everyone who reviews for that matter.. Hugging Norrie? Well.. perhaps.. if he stops being so mean to me! _

_Queenofinsanity: More is coming up!_

_Nicole: Yeah.. I updated! Go me –grins.. no I do not have an ego!.. ok.. that was a lie- Jasper actually asked me that once.. but that was after I told him I wanted to teach my dog how to be a cow.. _

_Alori: Thank you for your great reviews! I really appreciate them.. I wasn't offended! It helps me a lot.. gives me the feeling that people are actually reading this stuff I write.. and not only the plot is goofy.. some people keep telling me I'm sort of strange too _

**Disclaimer: I do not own POTC.. nope.. never did.. **

**Chapter 8: I sprung a man from jail!**

**_My own POV_**  
-_sings-_ "If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain.."  
"Yeah? Wanna try? I'll do the candle bit.. and you can try the not feeling pain bit" and that was Norrie.."  
-_still singing_- "If you cut me with a knife it's still the same"  
"Ah.. a knife.. oh yeah.. I'd give anything to have a knife right now.. at least I'd have some way to SHUT YOU UP!"  
"Aw stop your yelling.. you're interrupting my singing!"  
"That's the whole bloody point!"  
"Noh! That's mean! I..I.. I need beer" pouting a little I try to find some place to sit.. preferably somewhere dry.. or at least slightly moist instead of soaking wet.  
"Y'know?"  
Norrington stays quiet a little while.. then sighs.  
"Know what?"  
"We should get out of here"  
"We?"  
"I mean.. you navy guys are somewhat fond of hanging and killing innocent people.."  
"Innocent? You?"  
"And quite frankly.. a noose doesn't look good on me.. so.. we have to escape"  
"Again with the WE part.. what do you mean _we_?"  
"So.. I figured.. if you distracted the guard.. I can get his keys.. and we can get out of here"  
"I distract the guard.. excuse me? Let's pretend I actually agree with this so-called plan of yours.. why do I have to distract the guard? Why not you? All you have to do is take your dress off and you're home free"  
"Right.. so that's settled then.. I'll call the guard.. and you'll striptease for him.. drawing his attention away from me"

James falls silent  
"You haven't been listening to a single thing I've said have you?"  
"Well.. no.. GUARD! GUARD! COME QUICKLY!"  
"No wait!"  
A faint muttering can be heard and the heavy wooden door at the top of the stairs swings open.  
A very big, very ugly, very strong looking, very not intelligent looking bulk of a man appears, stomping his way down the stairs and working his way to our cells.  
"Whaddaya want?" a foul stench spreads in the air when he speaks.  
Fanning my hand in front of his face while pinching my nose closed with the other I look the man up and down.  
"Whew.. you could use a breath mint mate"  
"Shut your pie hole woman!"  
"Pie hole? You've got pie?"  
"Shut up I told ye!"  
"Well.. nobody tells me to shut up!"  
"If you don't hold your big mouth shut I'll come in and make sure it'll stay shut!"  
The man grips an iron bar and twists it into a loop, apparently for showing off.  
"You big brute! Trying to scare me with that ey? Well it worked! So stay away from me or I'll scream!"  
"I'll stay away if you will just shut up!"  
"Stop shouting at me!"

Norrington is following this whole conversation with a very confused look on his face, but after a little while he finally gets the idea. With the tip of his tongue sticking out of his mouth he's trying to fish the keys out of the guards pants. A rather gruesome task..

"Stop telling me what to do! You're the prisoner here!"  
"Well.. technically yes.. but that's all your fault!"  
"My fault? You cursing, stupid, manipulating wench!"  
"And again with the name calling! You're so hurting my feelings you know that?"  
"That's it! I've had it! I'm coming in, and I'm going to hurt a lot more than just your stinking feelings!"

Eep! No!  
"No no no no no no.. Shutting up here.. really.. I mean it.. stay away from me!"  
The big bulk is grabbing his keys, just before Norrie can reach them, opens the door and storms into my cell.  
"Get your sorry excuse for a behind over here!"  
I press my back against the far end of the cell, cowering like the girly coward I am  
"Are you nuts? I'm not just walking into your arms! What do you take me for? Suicidal?'"  
He growls and lunges for me. Luckily for me, I manage to duck and roll away from his arms.. yeah.. try doing that in those tiny little cells.. -_smirk-_   
"Stand still!"  
"No! You stand still!"  
Again the big.. hump of talking flesh.. guy.. tries to grab me.. and he succeeds in grabbing the hem of my shirt just as I dive between his legs. Result: me lying on my stomach in that disgusting cell, between the legs of Chubby standing over me, holding on to my shirt..  
Yes.. very nightmare-ish.  
I scream and kick my legs, while turning around and trying to hit him somewhere vital. After a few seconds of screaming and kicking it finally dawns on me that I should bring my knee up into some extremely vital parts of his body.  
With all my strength I thrust both my knees up into his groin.. the man suddenly stops moving and releases my shirt. Panting heavily I scramble backwards out of the cell, watching the guy at all times. With a satisfying grunt he drops down on his knees, his eyes watering.. and finally he drops head first on the floor.. passed out.

"You did it! Now.. get his keys.. and let me out of here"  
I glare at James, before crawling back in the cell again to retrieve the keys. Ow.. right.. I can stand now.. danger is over. I get back on my feet and stare at the big, mean, man guy. With a final kick against his shin I walk out of the cell, no longer mine, and lock the door.  
"That's where a filthy.. filthy.. erhm.. person like you.. belongs!" I snap at the unconscious guard. Did anyone notice that I still didn't figure out how to curse properly?  
"Great job Miss Lona!"

I stare at the keys, playing with them, thinking.  
"Great job huh? Not thanks to you"  
"Well.. no.. but.. I did try!"  
"That.. that.. thing could've killed me!"  
"Yes.. well.. he wouldn't be the only who'd love trying"  
"I could just leave you there!"  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
"Are you calling me bluff?"

He sighs.. and seems a little bit frustrated.  
"No I'm not.. I'm sorry for everything I said.. now.. let me out!"  
"Say pretty please?"  
"JUST LET ME OUT OF THIS RATHOLE!"  
"Ok, ok.. sjees.. some people just don't have a sense of humour"  
With some difficulty I turn the key and set Norrie free.

**_Jasper's POV_**

So.. this is Port wussname. What am I doing here? Apart from saving my girlfriend I mean. I have never even seen the movie.. I can't even remember the name of this freaking place!  
"Come on lad.. no time to waste".. and Jack's being ever so annoying by constantly reminding me of the fact that I've got absolutely not the slightest idea about what's going on..  
"Where are we going?"  
"The pub!"  
"The pub? Jack! You're not getting yourself drunk at a time like this!"  
"Drunk? Nah.. information mate.. that's what we need.. but I wouldn't say No to a fine mug of rum.."  
"Well.. in that case.. you get the information.. and I'll say no to the mug for you"  
Jack mutters something under his breath and drags me into some café of sorts. Inside everything looks dark, and crowded.

We sit down at a table, and Jack glances around, trying to look inconspicuous.  
"Keep a sharp eye" he mumbles to me  
"Ok.. And what am I looking for exactly?"  
"Anything out of the ordinary"  
Oh boy.. that shouldn't be hard

"Jack.. I come from the 21st century.. about everything looks out of the ordinary to me!"  
"Oh.. right.. I forgot.. In that case.. Waitress!"  
A young woman walks to our table, dirty blond hair tied back in a sloppy ponytail.  
"Wha' can I get ye?" she snarls, showing chocolate brown teeth.  
Jack flashes a grin  
"Tell me luv.. is old Palsley still around?"  
She shrugs  
"He's out an' about yeah, sittin' in tha' there corner"  
Jack's grin has become wider  
"Give him a mug of rum luv.. and give him the compliments of Captain Jack Sparrow.. ask him if he'd be so kind to join me and my friend here"

The waitress nods and walks away..

"And now what?"  
Jack kicks his feet up and relaxes in his chair.  
"Now lad.. we wait.."

**Yay.. chapter finished! Hopefully I'll be able to update again tomorrow.. this is about the only story I can write on.. since the other one totally ran into a block.. grrr…**


	9. Mary Sue setback

**_A/N: I'm back! Again.. wrote two chapters today. .one for this story.. and one for Wrecking the wedding.. yay me.. now my shoulders hurt.. probably not sitting right or something.. ah well.. _**

**_Alori: I'm trying to keep it up ;) but work has to be done too.. blast that whole system of money and food and stuff… right.. thanks for your review though :D Oh.. and let me know if I got the MS right ;)_**

_**Nicole: What happens next? Dunno.. won't know 'till I write some more I guess. And of course some Mary Sue parody ;)**_

**Disclaimer: Do not own POTC.. do not own Jasper.. but he still is mine.. mine.. mine I tell you! –shields boyfriend from obsessive fan girls.. who don't exist-**

**Chapter 9: Mary Sue setback.**

Lona's POV:  
-_Sitting on table- And_ now we wait.. wait.. and wait.. and for what? For Norrie to come up with some marvellous idea.. so far he hasn't come up with anything good.. except for: let's stay away from the soldiers..

Brilliant plan, Einstein.. pssh  
"Oh Jamey?" -_using singsong voice_-  
"No"  
"Jaaaaamesy?"  
"No!"  
"Norrie?"  
"WHAT!"  
"What's ya doing?" I ask him, while swinging my legs.  
"Thinking of some great escape plan"  
"Oh"

A few minutes we both stay very quiet  
"James?"  
"No"  
"Did you think of something yet?"  
"No"  
"Why not?"  
"Because.. well.. escaping is not that simple!" Norrington's head turns scarlet and he's trying to avoid my stare as much as possible.  
A bit puzzled I look around the tiny room we're hiding in..

"It's not?"  
"No it's not"  
"But.."  
"No!"  
-_sigh- _Fine.. whatever you wish. I jump from the table and walk towards the door.  
Very carefully I put my head around the corner and look outside. Left.. everything empty.. right.. everything empty, straight ahead.. an empty street.. nope.. no one's here.

"Nozzer?"  
"No"  
-_sigh- _  
"I'm going outside.. I'm bored.. and I want my boyfriend.. and I need a new dress.. this one is way too pink" (_A/N ok.. pink dresses.. for more info I'd suggest you go and read Dream on.. or Ship Ahoy) _  
"You what? Wait! No!"  
Without waiting.. naturally.. I step outside in the fresh air, the warm sun shining on my back..

I stretch my limbs a little and jump up and down to loosen up my muscles.  
"Norrie.. won't you come out and play?" I tease.  
Grumbling and muttering Norrington leaves the safety of the little guards house.  
Smiling I pat him on the head  
"You see...no big bad monsters around"  
James slaps my hand away and scowls at me  
"Stop that"  
I simply shrug and start walking in some random direction.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Anywhere"  
"But you don't even know where that is"  
Stopping dead in my tracks I turn around and regard Norrington.  
"You have got absolutely no idea how silly that sounded did you?"  
His face is turning crimson again.. really cute actually.. he looks like a little gnome.. you know? White beard.. Red hat? Only.. upside down.. with the wig being the beard..

"Well.. yes.. but.. surely.. you don't know your way in this town.. and they're searching for us.."  
"So? It's not as if that's bothering me.. all I want to do is go home.. kick Jack back here.. and hold my boyfriend really tight for a really long time"  
"At least let me escort you out of here"

Aww.. how sweet.. he just pretended he didn't like me.  
"And here I was.. thinking you hated me.. you softie you"  
"I still loathe you.. I'm just making sure you're gone"  
How sweet.. I'd wish he'd drop into a random hole or something. Grr..

We walk into a alley.. a dark, abandoned alley.. a dark.. abandoned.. thug infested alley.. thus making the alley not so abandoned.  
Norrington is forcing me to walk on, but quite frankly.. I don't wanna.  
"James.. I don't think this is such a good idea.. I mean.. evil bad guys.. knifes.. guns.. that sort of things.."  
"Nonsense.. this is the shortest way to the docks.. that is how you got home last time, isn't it?"  
"Yes.. but"  
"G'day mate"  
G'day? We're in Australia now? I take a little peek around Norrington's shoulders and see a scruffy tiny man blocking our way through.  
"Good afternoon sir.. If you would please step out of our way.."  
One tiny scruffy guy? Not good.. not good at all.. I look back.. and give a little yelp.. desperate I start tugging on Norrington's coat.  
"James.."  
"Not now"  
"James.."  
"Not now I said!"  
"James I think you really should.."  
"What is it!"  
James spins around.. and sees the group of thugs, casually leaning against the wall.. cleaning their fingernails with the point of their knifes..  
Well.. pretending to be casually leaning.. and attempting to clean..  
"Ah.. aha.. Right.. I see what you mean.."  
"Great.. and what are you planning on doing about it?"  
"Yes.. well.. quite.. I'd suggest.. run"  
He grabs my arm again, storms forward, pushing the scruffy tiny fellow aside while bursting through the narrow lane. Unfortunately for us, the mob gains on us rather quickly. And before we could make it to the end of the alley, they've got us pinned against a wall..

The biggest guy holds his knife at Norrie's throat.  
"There, there kind sir.. now.. normally we'd say.. yer money or yer life.. but today.. we're having this special offer for ye.. "  
"Special offer.. how kind.." Norrington is transpiring heavily, and when he swallows I can see his Adam's apple bouncing up and down nervously.  
The scruffy thing at the back of the group is giggling..  
"Shut up Measle"  
"Yes sir, right away sir"  
"As I was saying.. this special offer.. it consists of us.. taking your money.. your life.. ánd your lass"  
His lass?

What!

Me?

"Excuse me? Sir? Sir? I'm not.." -_smack-_  
Ouch.. ow.. ouch..

That hurt.. a big thug just backhanded me across the mouth.. and.. that hurt..

Suddenly a voice speaks up.. a voice all syrupy and sweet.. enough to make you feel very very queasy and sick to the stomach.  
"I really wish you haven't done that.. Now I'll have to hurt you"

A few whooshing sounds are heard.. and within the blink of an eye.. all the bad guys are lying on the ground, groaning or being altogether dead.

A young girl, about 19 years old is standing in front of us. She has raven black hair, with purple streaks, that falls in long waves over her shoulders. Her icy blue eyes are looking concerned at me, while she wipes her silver dagger clean on her clothes. She's wearing a white pirate shirt, that seems a bit too tight.. with breeches and knee length, black, pirate boots.. when she moves her head, her large golden earrings make a gentle tinkling sound..

"Are you okay?" she asks, her smile revealing pearly white, perfect teeth. She has a beautiful mouth, with full, slightly pouting lips.

"Yeah, yeah.. I'm fine.. only lost a few teeth and broken my jaw.. now go away!"  
"Oh, I'm so relieved.. I was afraid I wasn't here in time.. my name is Mary.. Mary Sue.."

**Jasper's POV **

**I**t took the pirate a little while.. but he finally managed to get the hint and join us at our table..  
He didn't have much to tell us.. except that this guy, named Norrington, has been arrested and sentenced to death.. nothing more.. nothing less.

-_sigh-_ So now we're walking the streets again, sometimes being harassed by women who want to earn some quick money. Some of these proposals are rather.. fleshy..  
"No ma'am.. I really am not interested" and that was another one.. a rather unattractive blonde woman..

"Jack.. what are we going to do now? Nobody has even seen Lona"  
Jack huffs.. and glares at me  
"Lad.. your miss always seems to find a way to work herself in some kind of trouble.."  
"Yes I know.. she even manages to bump her head on a closet.."  
"Aye.. so I'm willing to bet my Pearl on this.. she's with that good for nothin' Norrington"  
"Who is this Norrington everybody keeps telling me about! Am I supposed to know him?"  
"Nah.. he's just a nobody.. the former commodore.. but he knows Lona.. and Lona knows him.."  
"So? That doesn't automatically mean that.. wait.. is that guy trouble?"

"He is the source of all trouble if you ask me lad""

Yeah.. that would be exactly where Lona is.. in trouble..

_**10 minutes to 5.. going home soon! I'm going to check out my former chapters tomorrow.. see if I can terminate some spelling errors.. R&R people! I love reviews!**_


	10. Cooties

**Chapter 10! W00t.. on an updating roll here.. but Jasper's internet is down.. so probably won't update again until Tuesday.. Pinksteren and stuff.. **

**I'll reply on the reviews personally.. I read somewhere that some people's stories got deleted because of the reply's.. so.. :) **

**Disclaimer: I do still not own POTC.. Jasper is still mine.. mine.. mine **

**Chapter 10: Cooties..**

She's too darn perfect.. it makes me want to throw up. And why does she keep insisting on healing my lip? It's scary.  
"Go away!"  
"Now hold still silly.. this isn't going to hurt" with a cloth, that appeared out of nowhere she is attending my lip.  
"Ouch! You lied! Now go away"  
She only smiles and wipes away the last of the blood  
"There.. all better"  
"Aaaah.. cooties! Get away! Somebody save me!"  
Flailing my arms desperately I try to back away.. but I can't.. there's a wall in my way. I'm trapped!  
"James.. save me!"  
Instead of helping me, James can't seem to look away from the girl, he is completely mesmerized by her stunning looks.. the poor sod.

'So... beautiful.. can't help.. but.. falling in love"  
Oh.. my.. gosh.. that was disgusting!

The girl smiles at me, oblivious of the fact that I do not want her to be anywhere near me.  
"You two would be Miss Lona van der Vegt and Commodore James Norrington I suppose? Pleased to meet you, I'm sure"  
Cooties! No!  
James dashes forward, gripping her hand as if it's his only rescue from drowning.  
"Enchante Miss Sue.. very pleased to meet you indeed"  
I smack James's head  
"Stop doing that.. you're slobbering all over the pavement"  
James doesn't respond, he just keeps on gazing in her suddenly panther green eyes.

"I was looking all over for you two, luckily for you I was near enough to come to your rescue" Mary simply shines with pride.  
"You were looking for us? You know us? How?"  
James is staring at her, his mouth open in awe.  
Angrily I push the girl away from me, growling.  
"She's a Mary Sue.. she just knóws.. it wouldn't surprise me if we were in trouble just because she was around"  
Mary turns around, one hand at her hip, with the other she is waving her index finger at me  
"Now listen here young lady, there's no need to be so mean.. now you come over here and tell me you're sorry"

Fuming with anger I spin around, facing the little manipulating annoying wench.  
"Young lady? You are calling mé young lady? Of all the bloody nerve in the whole world! You! A mere child of only.. what? Sixteen?"  
"Seventeen actually"  
"Seventeen years old.. and you have got the guts to reprimand me? And call me young lady? You know? I oughta.."

"Lona!" Norrington is staring at me in shock  
"What?"  
Mary's lips are trembling and her eyes are watery. And it's not as if I care! James rushes over to her and puts his arms around her shoulders, trying to comfort her. But she shakes her head and shrugs his arms off.  
"No.. I'm fine.. it isn't her fault.. probably just a bad childhood.. yes.. I can see it in her eyes.. deep inside.. she cares.. poor thing"

Graaa!  
"I do not care! My childhood was perfectly normal! There is nothing you can see in my eyes, except for extreme anger and annoyance! Go away! Go screw some random male already!"

"It's alright dear.. now.. come along.. we've got to find you a way home"  
"I don't wan.. wha?"  
She takes my hand and gently leads us out of the alley, brandishing her sword.. apparently to - _quotation marks with fingers-_ protect us from further harm. -_end of quotation marks-_  
Still quite angry.. and disgusted by her.. I try to get my hand out of her grip.  
"Will you let go of me already? I can walk alone!"

We turn the corner at the blacksmith and there she finally let's go of my hand. But only because she bumped into Will Turner.  
"Oh no.. here we go" I mutter under my breath, offering my hand to Will, who fell on his.. erhm.. behind.. after the collision with miss Perfect.  
"Bloody hell.. can't you at least watch were you're going?" Will barks at Mary, while dusting himself off.  
This is strange.. why isn't he affected by her Mary Sueishness?  
Mary stares at him, a cute little blush on her cheeks, her eyes cast downwards.

"I am so sorry, kind sir.. I hope you're not offended by my misbehaviour"  
Ack..  
Will needs a few seconds to really understand what she's saying. And then another few seconds to recall what hé said to her.. Very slowly, his face is turning a very interesting colour deep red.  
Ah.. so he isn't immune.  
"I..I.. miss.. I mean.. I.. good day Miss.. I deeply apologize.. I.." stammering schoolboy? So not like him.

"Hello William? Remember me? The spawn of evil himself.. apparently?"   
"Lona! You're back! Why are you back?"  
Finally.. someone who doesn't seem to hate me.  
"Lona? You know this charming young man? Why don't you introduce me?" Mary is still standing there.. with her perfect hair, strange eyes and - _sniff sniff_- is that a rose perfume? Sickening really..  
"No.. now go away"  
"William Turner Miss.. I'm the local blacksmith"

Miss Sue giggles, a very feminine sophisticated giggle and extends her hand. Will grabs it and kisses it lightly.  
I make gagging gestures behind their backs. Hey.. everybody's got a job to do..

**Jasper's POV **

Where could she be? I mean.. she couldn't just disappear from the face of the earth, could she? No, she can't.. I mean.. well.. it IS Lona.. and she has done more things that any other normal person wouldn't do.. but.. No.. she can't make herself disappear..

"Come on Lad.. you're falling behind again"  
"No.. you're running ahead of me again"  
Suddenly Jack skids to a stop. The reason for that being 2 Navy officers..  
"Uhoh.. trouble" Jack mumbles.  
"Ya think?" I reply, keeping my eyes on the ground as we try to pass them as unnoticeable as possible.  
"Ey you! Stop right there!"  
"A good afternoon gentlemen.. what can me and me companion do for the likes of you?"  
"What's your business in Port Royal?"

Ok.. I have had enough of this, annoyed with all the delays I step forward  
"Our business is to find my girlfriend back!"  
The tallest of the two British navy dudes is giving me the eye  
"Your girlfriend huh? And who might that be? What's she look like?"  
"Well.. You probably wouldn't know her.. but we have some good clue's to think that she might be with the former commodore.. Norrington.."  
"Alright! Don't move.. You're under arrest!"  
Two sets of guns are pointed at our heads.. Jack flashes a quick smile.. while raising his hands. From the corner of his mouth he hisses at me:  
"Great job mate.. real smooth.."

**Chapter 11 will be up soon! Love you all!**


	11. Two pair of boots for the hangman

_**A/N There.. chapter 11.. which I found particularly hard to write.. not as much humour.. even a bit sad.. enjoy!**_

**_Disclaimer: Don't own it.. only the DVD.. and the sweet memory of the trailer of Dead Man's Chest I saw in the cinema yesterday.._**

**Chapter 11: Two pair of boots for the hangman.**

And now we're all sitting in a pub of some sorts.. planning on how to get me back to Jasper. Well.. I'm doing the planning.. Will and James are simply dribbling all over Mary.. and Mary is keeping an eye on everybody suspicious who might be listening in to us.. which means that she's keeping an eye on everybody in the whole damn building.. oh.. and she's simply enjoying all the attention she's getting from all the males.. again.. that being almost everybody in the building.. except for the whores, waitress and myself.. being all the females in the near vicinity.

I sigh, glaring at my companions  
"I don't get it.. why can't I just go to the docks, jump in the water and be home free again?"  
The Mary Sue creature tears her gaze from all the dangers in the room away long enough to answer my question  
"Because you're not save at your own home.. it wasn't a coincidence that the British Navy came barging in unannounced, somehow there's this loophole somewhere.. meaning that you're in a constant danger of being caught and hung!"

"You have a very bleak outlook on life, you do realize that don't you?" I fold my arms and look away from the group.  
"And what else do you propose? I mean.. I'm not intending on staying in Port Royal for the rest of my life.. Jasper would be worried sick.."  
Mary smiles reassuringly, which makes me feel as if I'm going to be in a lot more trouble then I'm already in.  
"Don't worry, I'm going to lift this evil curse that holds you here, and you'll be home before you know it"  
My head snaps back to her  
"The only thing keeping me here is you.. you are the only one saying I can't leave.."

Will blinks and very carefully looks away from the girl, almost as if the world might be destroyed if he doesn't keep on staring.  
"Lona, Miss Sue might be right, this is the third time you're here.. something must not be right"  
Norrington nods, concern written across his face.  
"I must agree, even though I must admit that I wouldn't regret being rid of you, it simply isn't save to let you wander around unprotected"

My mouth drops open.. everybody is against me.. it's a conspiracy! The Sue's against Lona!  
"This is not fair! Why can't I go home? I can wear bullet-proof clothing all the time.. and.. Jasper will be there with me.. he can protect me.. I mean.."  
"Can he really?" Will interrupts me, putting his hand on my arm and staring in my eyes, sincerity in his look.  
"Lona.. I don't know him.. but can he really protect you against a whole army? Against bullets? Against swords? Running away isn't going to solve this problem"  
Sulking I look away from his gaze, not wanting to admit that he really has a point there. I would like to believe that Jasper is a one man army.. that he can defeat everybody with his eyes closed and one hand tied to his back.. but I know that he isn't all that.. that he can be hurt too.. I mean.. even Jack managed to give him a black eye for crying out loud!

"Fine.. fine.. but.. now what?"  
James stands up, and is taking in his surroundings  
"I think it would be for the best if we'd try to get a room for the night. And more important.. if we would stay out of trouble"  
Mary nods and puts her hand on Norrie's shoulder  
"You're right James.. I shall go and see if I can make a deal with the barkeeper"  
James is beaming with pride.. blegh.. men..  
Will sidles over to me.  
"Lona.. can I ask you something?"

"Shoot"  
"What is wrong with me? Every time I look at Miss Sue, everything around me turns pink and.. well.. fluffy.. I get this urge to rescue her from everything and everyone.. and still I suddenly feel as vulnerable as a baby and just want her to hold me"  
While shaking my head warily I pat him on the back  
"That my boy.. is the influence a Mary Sue has on every man.. all the young rational women will hate her.. while all the men instantly fall in love with her"  
Will stutters from the shock  
"But.. but.. I hardly know her!"  
"Look at Norrington for example, he barely knows her.. and yet he can't seem to keep his eyes off of her"  
"My god.. we're doomed"  
I gloomily watch as Mary returns  
"Yes William.. in that I must agree with you"

Mary simply skips back to us, her whole face glowing with satisfaction  
"I fixed us two rooms for the night, so that we both will have some protection from a man"  
Norrington eyes dart between Will and Mary  
"If I could be so bold to suggest that I will watch over Miss Sue?"  
Mary chews her lip while she glances at Will.  
"Well.. actually.."  
"Splendid idea James, just.. great! Thank you.. I will share the room with Lona then.. and.. so.. well.. good night!"  
Will hastily makes his way out of the room, dragging me behind him.

**Jasper's POV  
**We're in jail.. I'm in jail.. I don't want to be in jail.. Lona needs me.. I've got to save her.. and.. I want to hold her.. I want her to hold me.. somebody save me!  
"And I would like to mention that this is all entirely your own fault mate" Jack tells me. He is lying on a bench, his hat covering his eyes.  
"Oh.. yeah.. thank you.. I really needed that.."  
"You're welcome"  
"What's going to happen to us now? I mean.. are they going to release us?"  
Jack lifts his hat and looks at me with a sad look in his eyes  
"I really doubt it mate.. apart from meself.. no one has ever escaped these cells.. and I've never heard of the navy releasing pirates after they captured them.."

A big guard walks down the stairs, he's really fat.. and for some reason he walks with his leg really widespread.  
"Alright you lot.. This is your last meal.." he shoves two plates in our cell.. his voice sounds strangely squeaky ".. because tomorrow morning, 10 o'clock you will be hanged"  
-_complete and utter shock-_ hanged? I'm going to die? No! This can't be!  
"You can't do this to me! I'm not a pirate! Hang him -_points at Jack-_ He is a pirate.. I'm not! I'm innocent!"  
The guard doesn't even listen! He's walking away! NO!  
Jack picks up one of the plates and prods it.  
"I think this is actually still alive"

"How can you stay so calm! They.. they're going to.. No! Lona! Guard!"  
Jack pushes the plate to the side and walks over to me, grabbing me firmly by the shoulders.  
"Will you relax already? I will think of something.. I always do"  
"And what if you don't? What if they already killed Lona?"  
"Well.. what's the point in you staying alive then? I suggest you get some sleep.. you're going to need it.. nobody likes a tired looking corpse"

_**The next morning**_

**Lona's POV**

Ok.. I'm awake.. no.. really.. but I don't wanna.. 5 more minutes mommy? "It's Sparrow! They're going to hang him! Wake up you two!"  
Mary is banging on the door, startling me and Will, who is finally becoming less and less affected by the Mary Sueishness.  
Hanging Sparrow? Jack? But.. he was with Jasper.. that means.. no!  
Suddenly I'm wide awake. I jump out of bed and burst out of the door. Oh God.. please don't let me be late.. I must.. No.. can't think about that.. everything will be okay.. Running down the stairs I follow Mary outside and to the city square where the gallows have been set up. Two men are standing on the platform, noose around their neck.

The man on the right is Jack, no mistakes about that, the dreadlocks, the trinkets in his hair are shimmering in the early morning light. He looks as casual as never, he doesn't even seem a bit depressed at the idea of certain death.

But I'm not concerned about Jack.. next to him stands a man.. a boy still.. only twenty years old. Short brown hair, bright blue eyes, tall and slim.. Jasper. Fear can be read in his eyes, a single tear trickles down his cheek. What is he doing there? I.. I.. must save him.. someone must get him out of there! A moan escapes my mouth.. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest.. I can only seem to look at Jasper.. my boyfriend.. my love.. everything else is a blur..

"Jasper! No!" His head shot up and his gaze is scanning the bustling crowd. Waving frantically I'm trying to get his attention, ignoring the monotone voice of the man who's reading all of the crimes Jasper en Jack have supposedly committed.. This is wrong.. this is a nightmare, this isn't real.. I'm going to wake up any minute now.. Finally he sees me.. panic sears over his face "Lona!" He struggles a bit, trying to get free..

Suddenly the drum rolls stop and the hatches open, dropping the two man down. The rope of the noose tense up, and as if in a dream I can see the way Jasper's neck snaps in a awkward position, his body limp..

"Noooo! Jasper!" Mary restrains me as I try to run forward.. as I try to reach Jasper.. No.. this can't be.. this isn't true.. No...

She continues holding me, and after a while, after I stopped struggling.. after I stopped sobbing.. after I finally realize he really.. really is dead.. after everybody else has left and the bodies have been removed she finally lets go of me. I'm not able of keeping myself up anymore and I drop on my knees. Feeling numb.. feeling only the pain in my heart and the tears on my cheek..

They killed him.. Barbossa killed my love..

I want to die too.. I want..

Revenge..

_**Tadaa.. damnit.. I cried while I wrote that.. Stupid imagination.. **_

**_Well.. review people!_**


	12. Evil!

**_A/N Here I am.. so.. ghe.. yeah.. a short chappie this one.. sorry about that.. but I was a little bit busy today.. Chloe.. dear.. I know you're a bit young.. but in those times.. it was perfectly normal for you to.. you know.. well.. just read the chapter.. you'll know what I mean.._**

**Chapter 12: Evil!**

"How is she?"  
"Still asleep"  
"She took it pretty hard didn't she?"  
"Yeah.. well.. what would you expect? He was her boyfriend for crying out loud!"  
Actually.. I'm not asleep.. but I don't want to acknowledge the fact that I'm here.. and he isn't.. why can't I wake up from this nightmare?  
Will has been very quiet the whole afternoon.. logical of course.. Jack was his friend.. and now.. now they're both gone.. but somehow Will can't seem to look me in the eye.. almost as if he feels guilty about something.

I swallow back a sob and turn around again, facing the wall.  
But then I hear a familiar voice, female..  
"Will! I just heard.. are you ok?" Chloe!  
With a start I sit up straight.  
"Chloe! You're here! It's.. they.. hurt" I start crying again..  
Chloe is Will's wife.. they're happily married for over a year now (_A/N see Ship Ahoy for more explanations)_ and I am so very glad to see her.

I jump out of bed and start hugging her really tight, crying my eyes out. Everybody else leaves the room, leaving only me and Chloe.  
"Shh.. hey.. it's ok.. it's alright to cry" Chloe is shushing me.. and for the first time since this morning I can feel myself calm down.  
Still sniffling a bit I dry my eyes.  
"They.. they.. Killed.."  
"Yes I know.. I came here as fast as I could.. this isn't how I imagined our reunion you know?"  
Smiling a bit through the tears I take a shaky breath. I need to distract my mind from things a bit.

"So.. what have you and Will been up to.. Mrs Turner?"  
"Well.. we got officially married.. and I live in Port Royal now.. and.. well.. Will doesn't know this yet.. but.. how would you like to be an aunt?"

An aunt.. well.. yeah.. but my sister doesn't even have a boyfriend yet so.. suddenly I get what she's saying.. and for the moment I forget the grief.  
"Oh.. my.. god.. you're pregnant! You're carrying a miniature Orlando Bloom!"  
Chloe laughs  
"Yeah.. sort of.. quite unexpected.. but still.. "  
"Congratulations! Well.. you two have been quite busy this last year" -_nudge nudge-_

"Lona!" Chloe's face looks bright red suddenly.. wonder why?  
"Ahem.. anyway.. we had a quiet little life last year, our own cute house.. little puppy.. white fence.. you name it.. we've got it.. Jack stopped by a few times to visit.. and Will helped him with this little project of sorts.. something to do with false trapdoors and a treasure"

False trapdoors.. why would Jack.. wait a minute.. no! I'm going to kill that son of a.. both of them!

All my pain and sorrow is forgotten all of a sudden.. My head feels clear and sharp.. And a plan is rising in my head.

"I need your help"  
"Sure.. what do you want me to do?"  
"I need to get in touch with Barbossa Jr."

Suddenly the door bursts open and everybody pours back in, shouting objections, trying to make themselves be heard first.  
I clamp my hands over my ears and scream out loud:  
"Shut up! Everybody shut up!"  
The room falls very quiet, I almost can hear a pin drop.. if I would drop a pin that is..  
"Now.. I really need to get in touch with Barbossa Jr.. he is the one who sentenced Jack and Jasper to death.. I want his skin! And I want him skinned while he is still alive!"

Mary tries to put her hand protectively on Will's shoulder, but before her hand even reaches within 5 inches of his body Chloe growls and hisses at her.  
"Mine!" she snaps under her breath, taking Will's arm and leading him to the other end of the room.

I didn't notice this and continue talking  
"I want revenge.. and not only from Barbossa.. but I swear, here before you all.. that it will be Barbossa who suffers the most from the mistake he made.. and that mistake was that he made me believe my boyfriend was dead.. and Jack.. of course"  
Norrington's eye twitches  
"Sparrow isn't dead then?"  
"He isn't dead.. neither is Jasper.. but both of them will be wishing they were if I ever get my hands on them before I cool down enough"

Mary sighs and raises her hand, to show that she has a question.  
"All good and dandy.. but that still leaves a few questions open.. most of them starting with Why.. Why would they make you believe they were dead?"  
"They didn't anticipated that I would know this.. I don't know why they didn't think I would see that whole charade.. but Jasper's face said enough.."

I look at Will.. who is trying to hide behind Chloe.. which isn't working because Will is way taller than she is.  
"Now everybody out! Except for Chloe and Will.. I need to talk to them.. and I have a favour to ask"

You know.. I feel really bitchy and bossy right now.. me like! With my hands clasped behind my back I wait until everybody has left the room.  
Then I break down again, crying I walk towards Will and start shaking him by the shoulders.  
"They're alive.. aren't they? Tell me! What did you and Jack come up with! Trapdoors! Tell me!"  
Chloe gently lays a hand on my shoulder, a sign for me that I should calm down.

Will looks away  
"They're alive.. for now"  
What does he mean?  
Will combs with his fingers through his hair, looking a little bit worried.  
"The hangman was a friend.. the figures you saw at the end were dummies.. but I don't know where they are now.. probably taken captive by Barbossa"

Chloe looks shocked  
"What? Will! You've been hiding this from us all this time? You saw how.. how.. you.. "  
"Yes I know.. and I am sorry.. I should have.. I mean.."  
Impatiently I wave his stuttering away  
"Yes yes.. don't worry.. I'll blame it all on Jack.. he should be used to it by now.. I think I now where they are.. if I know Jack that is.."

Will looks relieved.. but he's not getting away with it that easily  
"Will.. I need a favour from you.. "  
"You name it.."  
"I want you to teach me how to use a sword"

**_There.. they're alive! I just couldn't sleep with the thought of a dead Jack Sparrow swimming in my mind.. and Jasper of course.. who didn't like the fact that his Alter Ego was hung.. tsk.._**


	13. En GardeTouché!

_**A/N Thank you so much everyone who reviewed! You guys make my day!**_

**Chapter 13: Én Garde.. Touché!**

"No! No! No! I have told you a thousand times before.. left foot first!"  
"Yeah.. well.. beh!"  
The swords clash against each other again, and after a few seconds, mine goes flying through the air.. again.

Will shakes his head and looks up in frustration.  
"You must be the worst pupil I've ever had"  
"Me? Well.. I've never.."  
"No.. I can tell"  
"I meant to say that I've never been more insulted in my life!"  
"No? You're suffering from amnesia then?" A boyish grin spreads on his face.  
"Oh just shut up you and continue being a teacher"

It all seemed such a great idea at the time.. Will teaching me how to handle a sword.. me becoming the greatest sword fighter the Spanish main has ever known.. and a woman too nonetheless.. and after a few hours of trying.. me going after Barbossa.. skewering him like a cow on a shiskebab.. saving Jack and Jasper.. and going home again...

Heck.. I could even make it home before dinner.. well.. in my head that is.. but it seems my head has been playing tricks on me again. Because.. it isn't as easy as it looks! First of all.. those bloody swords are heavy!

There I was.. with my big mouth at my first lesson.. I strode to the table on which my newly made sword lay.. picked it up.. and I couldn't even keep the point in the air! It is thát heavy!

So.. Will made me a shorter, lighter version.. and he promised me he'd be making me a rapier one of these days.. so he isn't teaching me the real swordplay right now.. he's teaching me how to fence. Whatever.. as long as I can defend myself against Barbossa..

But not even fencing is easy! I mean.. you have to watch your footing.. you have to watch your opponent.. you have to watch your own blade.. you have to have at least six pairs of eyes for all that.. I'm surprised I didn't even kill myself yet.

So.. for the last 2 weeks, Will and I have been practising for hours at end.. and I've had it up to here with the sword fighting.. En Garde.. Touché.. bleh.. Perhaps I should just barge into whatever room Barbossa is occupying.. and threaten him with a lawsuit unless he gives me my pirate captain and my boyfriend back.

"Ok.. one more time.. after that.. we'll take a break ok?"  
Will is interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"I've brought you two some food.. you two okay? Nobody dead or seriously injured by Lona?"  
Oh, haha.. it's one thing to mock yourself.. it's a whole other thing to be mocked and laughed at by someone else.  
"Come in Chloe" I sigh.  
Wills taps his blade against mine, to draw my attention to the new duel.  
Ok.. just.. don't think.  
He attacks.. I block.. he steps that way.. I step this way.. he thrusts..

Ow! And I fall on my bum, losing my sword.. and were this a real fight.. I'd be very very dead by now.. or at least not very happy.

Will lifts my chin with the point of his sword, underlining the fact that I'm so not good at fencing.  
"Are you sure you want to do this?"  
"Sure I'm sure.. do you have any other suggestions?"  
"Well.. how do you normally defend yourself?"  
"Deodorant"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I use deodorant.. or hairspray.. don't worry. you probably wouldn't know it.. If some creep creeps up on me.. which is the things creeps do.. I'd spray some in their eyes.. then kick them where it really hurts.. then shout really hard for help"

Chloe, who has been standing there.. watching us fight.. taps her lower lip while thinking. Suddenly her face lights up.  
"Lona.. the same thing would work with extremely salt water.. wouldn't it?"  
I stand up and brush myself off, before replying  
"Yeah.. probably.. or rum.. or any strong liquor for that matter.. but I can't just take a bucket and dunk it over their heads.."  
Chloe hikes her skirts up and runs out of the room, leaving me and Will behind, flabbergasted.

"What did I say?"  
"I don't know.. it sounded like a recipe for a drink Jack would love to try out someday"  
"She wasn't upset was she?"  
"Didn't seem so.. she'll be back.. want to try for another go?"  
"No! I give up! I'm never going to learn this.."  
Will looks at me.. a brief smile at his lips.  
"That's a pity.. I just finished this for you yesterday"  
He hands me a long rectangular package.. containing my new rapier.  
"Whoa! Ok.. let's practise!"

Thrust.. parré.. and on the floor again.. but at least it went a little bit better.. and I look so much cooler with a blade!  
Chloe bursts in again.. Mary following her close  
"But it won't work I tell you!" the Sue yells. Chloe whirls around and faces the girl with an angry scowl on her face.  
"And I tell you that you have to mind your own business! Now go away!"  
Norrington picked that moment to burst into the room too  
"Miss Lona! I got news about Barbossa's whereabouts!"

Exasperated I run my fingers through my hair, taking in the scene.  
"Ok.. everybody.. just.. calm down.. Norrington.. you first.. where is Barbossa?"  
"My informants tell me he is in his office just down Ribaut Road, I could easily lead you to it"  
Mary gasps in shock  
"No Jamey! It's too dangerous.. he is searching for you!"  
Jamey? I try to cock my eyebrow.. but since I've never been able to do that I'll just settle for raising them both at James. Who has chosen to ignore my eyebrows and is just staring back.. emotionless.  
"Unfortunately I have to agree with Mary, James.. you're a wanted man.. they know you.. I'll go with Will"  
Will keeps quiet and just nods his approval.  
"Next in line...Chloe.. what's all this fuss about?"  
"I have a vaporizer! In case of emergency.. you could use it to defend yourself!"  
Mary flicks her wonderful, flawless hair back over her shoulder, rolling her amber coloured eyes in disgust.  
"It'll never work.. how can a liquid defeat a strong build man?"  
Ah.. so this Sue doesn't understand the power of the modern day woman?

"I would gladly show it to you?" I offer in my sweetest voice, with my most persuasive smile.  
"A strong woman like you could easily be compared to a strong, muscular pirate.. couldn't you?"  
Mary glances at the grinning faces of Chloe and me.. a bit uncertain about her coming answer  
"Yes?" she hazards.  
Chloe jumps up, grabs a bottle of rum out of the cupboard and fills the vaporizer with the vile drink. I position Mary right in front of me.

"Ok.. now you pretend to be a big mean piratey machine.. okay?"  
"Okay.. aaarrrrgghh.. I'm gonna.. -_Lona sprays rum in Mary's eyes_- aaaaaah.. my eyes! My eyes! I'm blind! You wench! You -_censored for quite a long period of time.. it seems Mary Sue could teach the average pirate a thing or two_-

I nod at Chloe..  
"Ok.. so much for plan A.. I dare say we're ready for plan B"

_**Short one this is.. I'll do better next time.. was a little bit busy today.. Love you all! **_


	14. Drama

_**A/N Well.. a bit on the dramatic side this chapter.. hope you still like it though.. **_

**Chapter 14: Drama **

"Hold still for a minute so I can lace your corset properly!"  
"You're trying to kill me!"  
"No I'm not.. this is what these people call fashion."  
"Well.. fashion is killing me!"  
"Just take shallow breaths"  
"I'm trying!"

I'm dressing up for Plan B.. I wore a corset before.. but back then the people from the shop were very kind to me and at least let me breathe a little. This time I'm not so lucky. I feel like Barbie..

After tugging for a last final time, Chloe finally stops torturing me.   
"How does that feel?" She asks.  
Gasping I put my hand on my chest in an attempt to give myself some air.  
"Breathless" I manage to tell her.  
"Great.. now for the dress. I stole it from Elizabeth's old closet, so it should look stylish"

And stylish it is, a soft yellow dress without too much lace, and very sweet. I could almost fall in love with it.. almost.

"Shoes?"  
"Here"  
Ok.. now I almost look like a lady.. not a look that I see myself in very often.  
Regarding myself in the mirror I can see there are a few things missing.  
"Make up?"  
"One moment.. I'll fetch some things and see what I can do with you"

Chloe comes back with something that resembles a painters box the most. She opens it and motions for me to sit down in front of her.

After another half hour of sitting very still she sighs, looking content with her work.  
"There.. all finished with your make up"  
"Mirror?"  
"No! Not yet.. your hair isn't done yet!"  
She grabs a brush and a few hairpins.  
"Too bad your hair is so short, but I'll see what I can do for you" she mumbles, a few pins clasped between her lips.

She keeps brushing my hair until it looks like a ball of fluff, then she starts twisting the locks of hair and pinning them on my head.  
"Hm.. hairspray.. damnit.. they don't have that for another few hundred years.. I'll just have to do with this then"  
She sprays something on my hair, which smells a bit sour.  
"What is that?" I ask, wrinkling my nose in disgust.  
"Ale"  
"Beer! You're spraying beer in my hair?"  
"Trust me.. it works.. and the smell will go away"

After that she applies some perfume on my hair and dress. Yay.. now I smell like daisies.. or something like that.. flowers.  
"I feel like a pin up doll" I growl under my breath, while Chloe hands me a pair of earrings to wear.  
"Well.. I don't know about the pin up part.. but you sure look like a doll, sure enough"  
She gives me the mirror and I gasp in surprise.

I actually look like a lady! She did it! Wow! My hair looks all done up.. and my make up.. I don't even know what to say.. just.. wow..  
"You'll have to wear a hat though.. and I don't know if your hair can hold it that long.."  
"Don't worry, I can do this myself too.. Chloe.. this looks great! Where did you learn to do this?"  
She just grins and winks at me.

I try to take a deep breath.. but after a brief struggle decide that little shallow breaths will do just fine too.  
Ok.. let's get this over with.

"Will! Let's go!"  
Chloe looks at me one last time and hugs me.  
"Good luck" she whispers in my ear.  
I wink back  
"Thanks.. I'll see you soon.. take care of Orli Jr will you?"  
Will takes me by the arm, he didn't hear that last remark, and the two of us walk into the living room.

Mary and Norrington stand up when they hear us come in. Mary looks me up and down, her eyes all red and puffy.  
"Not bad.. for a simple looking girl as yourself" she scowls.  
My eyes narrow and I walk up to her, tugging my arm free from Will's grasp.  
"A simple looking girl hm? What's wrong Mary? I won't fall for you little play? I'm not cooperating? I don't want to be your friend?" I hiss in her ear, barely audible.  
She doesn't answer, just keeps on staring ahead, so I keep on talking.  
"You'd better pray Jasper gets out of this alive.. or I will be in a very bad mood.. and then I'll get your hide to hang next to that of Barbossa's.. just because I don't like you"

"Ok, that's enough ladies, let's get going" Will pulls me away from Mary, who is still not looking at me, but is smirking suspiciously. I don't trust that girl.. I really don't.

After waving goodbye for the last time, we set off towards Barbossa Jr's office.  
I take another few small gasps of breath, savouring the salty smell of the sea air.  
"What do you have against Mary? I mean.. yes.. she can be a bit obnoxious.. but you seem very aggressive"  
I shrug, trying to keep my balance on these shoes.  
"I don't trust her.. it's too much of a coincidence. She shows up and Jasper almost dies.. we get attacked.. and she suddenly appears out of nowhere in the nick of time.. She's up to something"  
"Another.. female instinct thing?" Will asks, kicking away a pebble.

Smiling I squeeze his arm.  
"Something like that"  
It's a fine day, blue sky, not a cloud in sight and a comfortable temperature. After a short walk we approach the building. Will stops and faces me.  
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asks, looking concerned.  
"Sure I'm sure.. now go home.. Chloe will be waiting for you anxiously"  
"She'll kill me if anything happens to you"  
"Yeah.. but nothing will happen.. now go! Before they see you and our cover is blown"

Will nods.. looks at me one more time, then turns and walks away without looking back.  
Ok.. this is it.. time to save Captain Jack Sparrow.

**Jasper's POV  
**"Let me go! You bastard!"  
My neck hurts from the fall down the rope. My arms are chafed from the rough treatment we got from Barossa's guards.  
Here is in short what happened:  
A few hours before our execution Barbossa came to see us. He wanted to talk to Jack, something about a treasure map Jack supposedly has hidden somewhere, and about his sister, who has been killed by this Norrington guy.

"What's in it for me? I don't know nothing about the death of than' poor girl, same goes for the map" Jack had told the man.  
"I'll spare your life" the man replied, while studying his nails.  
Luckily for me, Jack stood up for me.  
"Both of our lives mate, or else the deal is off.. even though I still know nothing.. savvy?"  
The man looked at me as though he saw me for the first time in his very life. Then he looked back at Jack.  
"We have an accord" he agreed and walked away again.

At first I thought he had left us there to die.. and didn't even know that he wouldn't kill us. Something to do with Jack and Will and trapdoors.. but damn.. I was scared as hell.. scared to die.. scared to never see Lona again. Scared about how she would react when she heard I was dead, but I was thankful too.. thankful that she didn't have to see that awful execution.

Until I heard her call out my name.. and there she was. Pain and disbelief in her eyes. My girl.. my own girl.. stood there.. thinking she was watching me die. I would've given the world to hold her that moment.. that second. Even from that distance I could see her crying, and I felt my heart break. And in a brief second, everything was gone. The doors opened and everything went black before my eyes. But I didn't die.. and neither did Jack..

Right now.. we're captives of this.. captain Barbossa.. and we have been cooped up in the room for the last few days.

Jack kicks me in the shin  
"Shut up lad.. this is not the right moment to go and start crying about your rights! Just let me do the talking, aye?"  
Grumbling I promise him that I'll keep quiet when he is doing the negotiations.

Suddenly the door swings open and Barbossa steps in.  
"Good morning lads.. let's get this over with" he says, and draws his gun.  
--

**I'd like to thank you all so much for reviewing my story! I'm not lying when I tell you that every time I get an email telling me that I've got a new review a smile comes to my lips.. thank you!**


	15. Mademoiselle van der Rue

_A/N: Short chapter.. so sorry! But it's way too hot for me to stay inside and write._

Chapter 15: Mademoiselle Van der Rue 

I try to take another deep breath and knock on the door, holding up an umbrella to shield my face from the sun. After a few moments a very tiny latch is shoved aside, revealing a bloodshot eye peering through.  
"Who're you?" A gruff voice asks me.  
Batting my lashes and smiling sweetly I twirl the umbrella a bit.  
"Miss Van der Rue I've come to discuss important matters with monsieúr Barbossa" I tell the man, faking a french accent.. for no apparent reason except that I'd always wanted to do that sometimes.   
"He ain't available" the man snarls.  
"I'm afraid I can't possible accept that sir.. If you would be so kind to tell le Capitain that I've got information concerning his lost treasure, I'm sure he would find himself.. available... again.. non?"

The latch bangs shut, without an answer. Shaking my head in disapproval I keep waiting for the man to arrive again.. which after a minor 5 minutes, he actually does. Surprising.. non?  
Well well well.. it's that little scruffy guy who threatened to beat me and Norrington up the other day. Fortunately he doesn't recognize me, acting girly can save your life apparently.  
"The cap'n will see you now"  
Tilting my nose up in the air, I walk past the man, not paying any heed to him anymore.

The corridors are dark and smelly. Someone could really get lost here.  
"Up the stairs and the second door to yer right Missy" The tells me, standing at the base of the stairs. Coolly I look him up and down.  
"Merci monsieur.. If you would be so kind to lead the way?"  
The man looks a bit disappointed, he had been hoping to steal a peak under my skirts, but after a bit of grumbling he starts going up the stairs.  
"An' what would a fine lass such as yourself be wantin' from Cap'n Barbossa ey?"  
He asks, looking over his shoulder.

"That would be none of your concern, Mister Measle. Now please stop harassing the lady and be on your way" a dark, clear voice sounds from the top of the landing _A/N dunno if landing is the right word for it.. top of the stairs..in Holland we call it an "overloop" _.  
Measle mutters an apology and skitters away, leaving me standing halfway up the stairs, staring at the darkness, trying in vain to detect the person that spoke.  
"C'mon darling, no need to be afraid" A tall, tanned and admittedly handsome man steps into the light, offering me his hand.

Reluctantly I put my hand in his, not taking my eyes of him. I walk the rest of the stairs slowly, paying heed to any sudden movement he might make.  
"Capitain Barbossa I presume?"  
The man bows, kissing my hand lightly.  
"At your service ma'am"  
Ew.. Ick.. please.. don't.. do that!  
Smiling every so pleasantly I look into his eyes. Grey eyes. He doesn't look like his father.. he's more attractive. Less dead too.  
"Please, walk this way"

He leads me into his office, a pleasant room with large windows to let in the light. Barbossa sits down on his large chair and motions for me to sit down too.  
Pressing his fingertips against each other he observes me, before talking.  
"What can I do for you Mrs..?"  
"Miss, Miss Van der Rue if you please, kind sir. I've come here to offer my help in a distressing matter"  
Barbossa simply nods and urges me to continue.  
I look down.. trying to look as humble as I can.   
"The word has come to me that you are looking for a lost treasure, the map stolen by a miscreant. The map once belonged to your sister, who has left our presence. My condolences, monsieur. Please tell me that I'm not misinformed?"

Barbossa leans back in his chair.  
'You are well informed Miss Van der Rue, but what has this got to do with you? If I may be so bold to ask?"  
I look up again, gazing at him through my eyelashes.  
"I know where the map is"  
He raises an eyebrow.  
"So do I"  
I too, try to raise an eyebrow, but have to give up eventually and raise both.  
"Ah..but do you also know how to obtain the map?"

At this Barbossa frowns and leans forward to me again  
"And what would you know about this, kind lady? Because this isn't a subject normally known to high class ladies such as yourself"

Behind me a hear a pistol being cocked.  
"Because dear brother.. she is the betrothed of the one you hold prisoner" a female voice sounds.  
Barbossa's eyes grow wide as he stands up from his chair.  
"Mary!" he whispers hoarsely.  
Mary Sue grins and fires her gun at Barbossa.

_What'll happen next.. Why didn't Barbossa know his sister was still alive? Check out the next update..coming soon!_


	16. Sisterly Love

_**Hello! Here I am again.. updating is slow..sorry! But work suddenly turned out to be time eater.. -shocked- and not to mention the Blue Angels and Red Arrows demo today..and the Soccer World Cup that I've got to watch thanks to dear Jasper.. BA/RA rock! Thank you all for telling me that "landing" really is a word.. I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter.. I think it's a bit boring.**_

_Behind me I hear a pistol being cocked.  
"Because dear brother.. she is the betrothed of the one you hold prisoner" a female voice sounds.  
Barbossa's eyes grow wide as he stands up from his chair.  
"Mary!" he whispers hoarsely.  
Mary Sue grins and fires her gun at Barbossa._

**Chapter 16- Sisterly love**

The bullet hits his shoulder. Remarkably he doesn't shout of cry out. Yupz.. he is a real Sue's brother alright. The instant hero.. ah well. I turn around to face Mary.

"Great job.. you only had one bullet. So what are you going to do with me? Hm?"  
Mary puts her pistol back in its holster, and draws her sword.  
"I'm going to lock you and my brother up. You're no danger to me, you don't even know how to handle a sword!"

Mary hauls her brother out of his chair and forces us to walk on. In the corridor we see the lifeless body of Measle, stabbed with a sword. Poor guy, never had a chance. Barbossa clutches his shoulder, looking back at his sister.  
"You're supposed to be dead!" he mutters in disbelief.  
Rolling my eyes, I just wait for Mary to say the line from the movie.  
She smirks, pushes Barbossa forward and replies.  
"Am I not?"

Mary opens a door and motions with her sword that we should go in, when we are inside she bows a little and grins even more.  
"Thank you dear brother for sharing the location of the map with me, perhaps we'll meet again.. tahtah" with this she slams the door. A faint sound is heard, like the locking of a door.  
"How very uncreative..and that for a Sue.. tsk" I mutter under my breath.

The room is dark.. very dark. Spiders tend to hide in dark places.. I dislike spiders. I dislike spiders very much. I can hear Barbossa gasping in pain. What is it with men getting shot in the shoulder when I'm around? First Jack, now this bloke. It's getting really old, really fast.

"So.. apparently Norrington didn't kill her.. and I doubt that Jack did deserve getting shot at either.."  
Somewhere behind me in the dark I can something stir.  
"You know those two?"  
"Well.. yeah.. Jack came for my help after you shot him.. so you could say I know him.. and I helped Norrington escape after you locked him up..so you could kinda think I know him too.. come to think of it.. you are the main reason for me being here.. so I really should kick you in the shin!"  
"Who ARE you?" Barbossa groans.

"That mate.. is your worst nightmare" Jack's voice sounds from somewhere back.  
"I am not! And you just shut up.. you're going to be shouted at next!"  
A lantern is lighted by Jasper, who blinks a couple of times in the harsh light after the sudden darkness. He puts the lantern down, walks to me and starts hugging me.  
"I thought I'd never see you again" he whispers in my ear "how did you know we weren't dead?"  
I hug him back just as fiercely, and I can feel tears running over my cheeks again, but this time they are tears of joy. I pull back and give him a quick kiss, smiling and wiping my tears away.  
"Will told me about the trapdoors and the hangman being a friend.. and after that I simply added the rest.. Barbossa being the new Commodore and all..and the treasure.. I just never thought Mary would be his sister.. evil girl!"

Jack walks over to the heavily transpiring Barbossa, who is clutching his shoulder. Jack looks him up and down, and finally gazes at the shoulder wound.  
"Aye mate.. now you also know how that feels" he says.  
"Jack! That's not nice!"  
"No.. you're right.. it's not nice to shoot Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack growles at Barbossa. Who is looking more pale every minute.  
I glance up at Jasper, who frowns at Barbossa's shoulder.  
"Do you think you can clean him up?" I ask him.

Jasper nods  
"Yeah..sure.. it isn't as bad as Jack's shoulder was.. and this guy is clean"  
"I 'eard that!"  
"That's because you were supposed to hear that!"  
"And I still 'eard tha'!"  
Jack cleans Barbossa's shoulder with a cloth we ripped from Jack's shirt. Which we practically had to force him to give it to us.  
Now he is sulking in the corner  
"That bloody guy wanted to shoot us lad! Not to mention hang us! And now you're saving his bloody arse!"

Jasper simply shrugs and looks up at me.  
"He is right you know.. if you didn't come up here and demanded to see him he'd probably killed us"  
"That's not true! I swear!" Barbossa protests "I just wanted to show that I intend no harm! I wanted to empty my pistol in front of you" Well.. isn't he a good guy?

Jack keeps grumbling and muttering and turns his back on us. Jasper finishes with Barbossa's shoulder, who is looking a whole lot better now. Barbossa looks deep in my eyes "You believe me.. do you?" he pleads.

Jasper narrows his eyes and stares at Barbossa suspiciously. Really..men!  
"Yes, I believe you.. now.. since Mary has the treasure, we can forget this nonsense and go back home.. yes?"  
"No" Jack immediately speaks up.  
"What do you mean no?"  
"Like I said.. no"  
"What..do..you mean?" I hiss, while grabbing the pands of his blouse.  
"Well..the map is in my other pants.. at your lads house.. so I told her that.. and I also told her she had to sleep in a wardrobe to get there..what she doesn't know, is that that ain't the way to get there.. she needs you lass.. she can't travel to a time where you are not at the moment.. "

"Come again?"  
"You are the key to travelin' through time and space luv'"  
"Excuse me? "  
"You.."  
"Yes yes.. I heard you the first time.. so.. she'll be searching for me tomorrow morning.. extremely pissed off?"  
"Basically..yes..unless we beat her to it"  
"But she'll be able to follow us..because I'll be there..do I get that right?"  
"Yup"  
"I hate you"  
"Yeah.. I love you too luv"

Jasper shakes his head in confusion.  
"I don't get it.."  
"We should get out of this room" Jack mutters.. and for once.. I agree with him.  
"I think I have the key with me" Barbossa offers.

-_blink_-

Men..truly.. are.. stupid..  
"And why didn't you tell us this sooner?" I ask him.  
"Well.. I thought it would be for the best if we'd wait until my sister had left the building"  
Yes..well.. ok.. perhaps not so stupid.  
"Ok..right.. good job.. now.. set us free!" Jack waves his hands at Barbossa.

Barbossa opens the door and Jack very carefully looks around the corner.  
"Ok..nobody 'ere.. come on!"  
And now we're off to see what Mary did to the others...

--  
Love, Lona


	17. Don't Shoot!

Ok.. Quick on the update today.. FF refused to upload for 4 days.. so here's the chapter I tried to upload the 21st:

**Chapter 17: Don't Shoot!**  
"Chloe! Where are you!" Searching every chamber in Will's house frantically, I try to find Chloe, Will and Norrington.  
I hope Mary didn't harm them in any way.

"Mmfmfmppfh!" A dull and muffled sound can be heard from behind the cellar door.

Jack stalks over to the cellar and pulls his gun out. With a movement of his hands he beckons me to stay back as he slowly turns the lock.. Barbossa draws his gun too, pointing it at the small crack.

The door slams open, and two figures fall over each other on the floor.  
"Mmfmfmpphf!" The top figure says. Jack takes a step back and points his gun at the two people, who are still sprawled on the floor. With a finger he warns Barbossa not to shoot.   
"Alright.. who are you and what did you do to the others?" Jack demands.

"Jack! Don't shoot!" I quickly push both of the guns down, before something very bloody happens.  
The person on top lifts its head. Two very angry looking eyes squint a Jack.  
"MFMMMFFFPPPFH!" It muffles.  
"It's only Chloe" Indeed.. it's Chloe.. and underneath her lies Will.. both gagged with a piece of cloth and tied together with a few shawl.. don't ask why..  
Gingerly I pull the gag out of her mouth.   
"Well.. hello there..had fun in the cellar?" I ask, grinning slightly."

Chloe continues glaring at Jack.  
"He tried to shoot us!"

Jack glances at his pistol and quickly hides it behind his back, smiling his most charming smile.  
"Yes.. well.. I had to... what if you were another evil person being? Hmm.. ever thought of tha'? Nice to see you again too, by the way"  
"Don't you weasel your way out of this Sparrow.. untie me so I can give you a wallop!"  
Jack puts his finger on his lower lip and pretends to be thinking deeply. After a few seconds he answers.  
"Well.. though tempting it may seem.. I feel disinclined to free you.. especially with the idea of being hit on the head in the near future"

Jasper simply rolls his eyes and unties Chloe, grabbing her by the arm, thus preventing her from trying to strangle Jack.  
"Hi.. I'm Jasper.. you must be Chloe. Lona told me a few things about you"  
"Oh? What did she say? Hey.. so you must be Jasper.. then who is that guy?"  
"I am Barbossa, glad to meet you miss"

"Mmmfppfffhhfmpf!"  
Oh right.. we're forgetting about Will. Quickly I untie him too, while gently clipping Jack across the head.  
"Thank you oh so very much for your help Jack" Will says sarcastically, while rubbing his wrists.  
Jack grins and bows slightly  
"You're ever so welcome, young William."

And, as happens often in this kind of situations in which people are together, everyone starts talking to each other. Creating an awful lot of noise for only five people talking. Five people? Six including myself? Who am I missing? Let's see..  
Me- one  
Jasper- two  
Chloe-Three

Will-Four  
Jack-Five  
Barbossa- Six

Norrington!  
"Jamie is missing! Where is Jamesy?"  
Chloe raises an eyebrow  
"That little pantsy has betrayed us"  
"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"Why!"   
"I don't know!"  
Jack interrupts our little conversation  
"Probably money, luv. Now let's go and collect our treasure! Or at least our treasure map!"

Chloe looks at Jack, confused  
"Treasure map? Treasure? What? Who? and mostly: where and why?.. not to mention: WHAT IS BARBOSSA DOING HERE!"  
I glance at Jasper and sigh.  
"Well.. that's a bit of a long story.. let me explain.."

-_a few moments later-_  
"... and then we found you."  
Chloe eyes Barbossa suspiciously  
" I don't trust him"

Barbossa stares at her, looking shocked  
"But ma'am.. I can assure you.."  
"You can assure and insure all you want.. I still won't trust you.. it's in the name you see?" she snaps at him.

"Yes, yes.. all very fine.. can we go now?" Jack asks, glancing out of the window nervously.  
"Where to Jack?" Will asks, still a bit chagrined about him being tied up and all.  
"The docks..and then... the TwenthyFirst Century!"

Everyone falls silent.. looking around them as if something dramatic should have happened. But it didn't..

"You're daft Sir!" Barbossa says, taking a step backwards, shaking his head.  
"Aye.. and your point would be?" Jack asks, grinning and showing his golden teeth.  
Jasper stands in the doorway, his arms folded in front of his chest, blocking the only means of escape for Barbossa.

"You're not going anywhere Barbossa.. it's your sister.. so we decided you are somewhat responsible"  
"I thought she was dead!"  
"Yes..and she is not! Imagine how that makes you look!"  
"Apart from surprised, shocked and stunned you mean?" Barbossa retorts "I don't know why she isn't dead.. and why she did this.. but it has nothing to do with me!"

"Sure mate" Jack scoffs "but guilty or not. you're coming with us".  
Jack thrusts his finger skywards and shouts excitedly "TO THE DOCKS!"

--  
Love, Lona


	18. Jump down the dark, spiderinfested hole!

_**Right.. since FF is being ever so annoying by not letting my upload my chapters, I just decided to write another one.. This chapter might seem a bit different.. this is because I've been reading a lot of MST stories the last few days.. and that humor somehow influences my writing..sorry 'bout that.. **_

BTW: Jasper and I are together for one year plus 2 days today! Yay!

**Chapter 18: Jump down the dark, spiderinfested hole.**

_At the docks_

"Jack.. what are we doing here?" Chloe asks, a bit irritated by the fact that we've been wandering around the docks for 2 hours now without any result.  
Jack simply ignores her, continuing his search for.. yeah.. well.. we don't know that yet.  
Will glances at Jack, slipping his arm around Chloe's waist.  
"Bear with him. You know how he can be sometimes.. a bit.. strange.." he whispers in her ear and giving a quick kiss on her cheek.  
Smiling Chloe looks up at his face and returns the kiss.

"Aha! Found it.. William, dear boy.. Barbossa.. evil fiend.. Jasper.. erhm.. yes.. please assist me with this" Jack is tugging and pulling on a very heavy looking wooden log.  
Chloe and I sit down on a nearby crate, which is just laying there, very conveniently.  
"So.. told Will already?" I ask her casually.  
"Nope"  
"Will you be telling him shortly?"  
"Yup"  
"Good"  
"Yup"  
" So.. what did Norrington do actually?"  
Chloe shrugs and frowns  
"You left and suddenly that Mary Sue thing aimed her pistol at me! So, I tried to ask Norrington for help, but as I turned around I saw him pointing that pointy sword of his at my throat! He's a deserter.. he needs to be tortured.. rip out his nails.. break his teeth.. mess up his wig!"  
I snort and nod my agreement. Never trust a white wigged man! They're surely up to no good! Especially when Sue's are involved.

"An' here it is Ladies and Gents" Jack pants, slightly out of breath.  
"Where is what?" Barbossa scoffs.  
"Looks like a secret passageway to me" Jasper murmurs. A secret passageway? Oh my gosh.. everything is turning more and more Sueish..  
"Aye lad.. and not only a passageway.. it's also.. yes.. well.. it's a passageway.. but it's also a ..a.. thing.. to go to your world!" Jack grins at us.  
"Wow Jack.. you really made that sound dramatic and professional" Chloe mocks.  
Jack ignores her..again.  
"We all jump down the hole, retrieve the map, locate the lost treasure..."  
"Except that it isn't lost, since there's a whole map about the damned thing" Jasper interrupts.  
Jack glares at Jasper  
"Thank you.. so.. again.. we locate the lost treasure," shots Jasper a warning look "get you two back to your world.."

"Wait wait wait.. how come we can't stay at our world when YOU retrieve the map?" This time it's me doing the interrupting, my brow creased with confusion.  
Will smirks, folds his arms and looks at Jack expectantly. Barbossa merely sighs and looks the other way, he's probably still thinking about a way out of this.. preferably without him getting shot and/or killed.  
Jack throws his hands in the air in frustration "Cause without you we won't be able to get back! We went through all of that before! Now.. again.. In the hole, get the map, locate and retrieve the treasure, get you home, close the passage, live happily ever after... everybody agrees?"  
Chloe thinks.. and answers "No.. why do you need this treasure so desperately?"  
"What.. luv! It's treasure.. why wouldn't I go after it? William! Help me out here lad!"  
Still smiling Will shakes his head "Sorry Jack, you're on your own with this one. I'll help you.. but don't ask me to explain your motives."  
"Some help you are," Jack mutters.

Barbossa is paying a bit more attention this time, chewing his lip in thought.  
"I think I must offer you my apologies, mister Sparrow," he muses.  
"CAPTAIN..Captain Sparrow if you'd please sir."  
"Captain.. I would like to join you in your perilous adventure" with a slight nod of his head, Barbossa offers his services to Jack. Come again? The evil son of Barbossa is agreeing to help Jack? This smells fishy, and I don't mean the waters of Port Royal.  
"I think we should go too.. if it's only to kick Mary and Norrington's pantsy behinds" Jasper tells us.  
"Ah well.. I suppose I'll have to go too then.. protecting Jasper and all," Jasper slaps my shoulder for this "Ow.. thank you dear." I say to him, rubbing my shoulder.  
"Hey! I'm not staying behind all alone!" Chloe steps up to stand beside me.  
"All alone? And what am I? Baked air?" Will pranks, trying to sound offended  
"Yeah..something like that," Jack mumbles under his breath before beaming with joy "Wonderful! Let's go then!" After that, he simply jumps in the hole, without hesitating for a second. A dull Thud sound can be heard.

We all stand close to the hole and look down.After a little while we hear Jack's voice coming up.  
"I'm fine..no.. really.. don't worry about me.. must've done something wrong there. Give me a hand up Will!" With a little bit of effort Will hauls Jack out of the hole. Jack regards it, scratching his beard while contemplating his next move.   
Chloe stands next to him, squinting at Jack "I don't get it.. if we can only get tó Lona.. then why did you try to jump in first?"  
Slowly Jack starts grinning again. Uhoh.. I guess this means I should make a quick get away, before he decides to chuck me into that..that..gaping hole.  
"Lona! Get over 'ere!"  
Quickly I cower behind Jasper.  
"No! Get away!"  
"Aw, c'mon lass.. you said you'd join us!"  
"Yes.. but I didn't say anything about leading the way!"  
"Lass.." Jack is coming closer, looking threatening. Jasper simply chuckles, not making any attempt to help me.. pfuh.. some boyfriend he is.  
"No! There are spiders down there!"  
"Are not! I squashed them all when I fell down!"

Hm.. well.. that kind of made sense.. not! Jack snatches me by the arm and drags me forward.  
Struggling I call out for Jasper to help me, but he suffers from laughing-so hard-that-he-can't-stand-upright-anymore again. Grr..  
Jack pushes me into the hole and I fall into a pitch black void.

After a few minutes of staring in the darkness I grow bored  
"Hello? Jasper? Jack? This isn't funny anymore.. I can feel the bottom.. I'm standing on the friggin bottom! Hello?" I start feeling around me and suddenly an idea hits me.. could it be? Yeah.. well. it would make sense now wouldn't it?  
I push forward against something I first thought to be the passageway wall, and what a surprised.. the closet door swings open and I can step out into the daylight. The bright daylight.. ack! Damnit..where are my sunglasses?

It doesn't take long for my eyes to grow used to the harsh light.

Uh oh.. I think there might be a little problem.  
A lot of cursing and shuffling sounds foretell the arrival of the other members of the party.. and some party it is. Jack comes bursting out of the closet, swatting at something black that's crawling its way up his jacket.  
"Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" the black thing falls off his chest and Jack stomps on it. Panting he turns around again."Spiders..are..evil!" He tells me, before letting himself drop backwards on my bed.  
The others quickly follow him..

"We have a problem" Jasper and I tell them..  
Jack, still sprawled on my bed, opens one eye and glares at us.  
"And what might that be?" he growls.  
"This isn't my room" Jasper explains.  
"So.. then let's go to your room, which door is it?" Will asks, as he opens my door and looks down the corridor.  
"Well.. none of them.." I tell him, shuffling my feet "this is my house.. Jasper's house..and the map for that matter.. are 100 kilometer to the north.."

**_There.. another chapter done.. hope this kind of makes up for the delays in updating I've been experiencing lately..  
_**--**_  
Love, Lona _**


	19. We're having a baby

**_A/N Thanks again for all the reviews. I didn't have a chance to reply to them yet.. sorry 'bout that. _**

**Chapter 19: We're having a baby.**

"How did we end up here?" Jack asks me, looking angry.  
"Well, how should I know? You came up with the whole idea of me being able to travel through time using my wardrobe!"  
"You should know! You've been here three times already!" Jack is starting to shout.. I somehow get the impression that he isn't altogether happy with the progress of this little adventure.

Chloe shakes her head and sits down on the bed, next to Will. Jasper is standing besides me, narrowing his eyes as he listens to Jack's rant.  
"Are you quite done yet Jack? Shouting and cursing isn't getting us anywhere, and we really should be going by now" Will says, glancing at Jasper.  
Jack scowls at Will "But of course Dear William.. and how do you suppose we do that? Hm? Obviously the girl has no clue whatsoever how to control the closet, she could even transport us to the beginning of the earth for all that matters!" 

"Jack.." Jasper sighs.  
"Who knows? Perhaps we'll end up as breakfast for a few futuristic monsters!" Jack keeps on shouting and ranting.  
"Jack, you're forgetting something."  
Finally Jack stops, but now he has turned his rage at Jasper.  
"I'm forgetting about something? Me? May I remind you all that we're nowhere close to the map? And we're probably stuck here for all eternity?"

"Stop exaggerating Jack" I snap, folding my arms across my chest. Chloe has made herself comfortable on my bed, and is cuddling my Dolphin plushy.  
"Stop exaggerating Jack, blablabla.. stop exaggerating.." Now Jack is mimicking me.. and Jasper is looking a little bit angry.. somehow I can feel this going the wrong turn.. "I bloody well ain't exaggerating, you obnoxious wench!" Jack shouts in my face.

-_Thud_- Before I realize what is happening I see Jack sprawled on my chair, his nose bleeding. Jasper is standing next to me, rubbing some feeling back into his hand. He glares at Jack.  
"Nobody.. and I mean this Jack.. NOBODY.. calls my girlfriend that.. not even you.. now I don't know what has gotten into you.. but I suggest you call down." He says through gritted teeth.  
My mouth drops open. Jasper actually hit Jack? Wow.. I mean.. poor Jack.. but.. still.. Wow.. sexy!

"Aw jeez.. Jack.. you stupid nitwit.. are you okay?" Chloe asks as she walks towards him, gingerly touching his nose.  
Jack doesn't take his eyes from Jasper and allows Chloe to take a look at his nose.  
"Well.. it doesn't look broken, it'll hurt for a little while, but that should pass soon." she says and gets up again.  
"Right.. Jack.. as I was trying to tell you before you two decided to beat the crap out of each other.. we could always take my mother's car.. she probably isn't home anyway.. and I have the spare keys." I tell him, jingling the keys before his nose.   
Jack doesn't say a word, but simply wipes the blood from his face with his sleeve. He looks at it for a moment, seeming completely lost in his own mind.  
"Jack? Are you alright?" Will looks at him curiously.  
"Hm.. what? Oh.. yeah.. sure whelp." Jack shakes his head, as if trying to clear some fog in his head.

He eyes Jasper up and down and suddenly starts grinning. He extends his hand at Jasper.  
"Aye lad.. you've shown yourself alright.. you've proven you're worthy of this lass. I apologize for my insults at your.. lady.."  
Jasper stares at the hand for a few seconds, then grabs it and gives a firm handshake.  
"Don't mention it Sparrow.. but be warned.. next time.. you'll not come out of it this easily."  
Gah.. boys and their ego's.

"Yes.. touching really.. can we go now?" Barbossa asks, leaning against the door, examining his nails.  
Hm.. I still don't trust the guy, but he has a point.  
"Yes.. to the Lona mobile!" Chloe says, pointing her index finger skywards.  
"Erhm.. Chlo.. my Lona Mobile is at Jasper's house.. we're taking my mom's car"  
"Meh.. details" Chloe shrugs.

**_In the car_**  
"So.. you weren't really angry?" Will asks Jack, looking confused.  
We're in my mom's car.. and.. well.. it looks like a sardine can on wheels right now.. I'm driving, Jasper is on the passenger seat on my right.. Chloe, Jack, Will and Barbossa are sitting on the backseat, almost on each other's lap. Cozy huh? 

Barbossa and Will had some misgivings about getting in the car at first.. but after Jack jumped in and started babbling about the great unseen wondrous beast in the front of the car, they decided it wouldn't hurt much to join in for the ride. And now Jack is explaining his strange behavior from earlier today to Will.  
"I had to make sure that his loyalty lies with his lass, lad. Surely you must understand that?" Jack states matter of factly.

"So.. you actually wanted him to punch you on the nose?" Barbossa asks, a smug smile on his face.  
"Well.. I.. erhm.. yes.. of course" Jack nods, a sly grin spreading across his face.  
"What the.. stupid git! This is a highway! You're supposed to drive faster then a snail! Stupid woman!" And yes.. this is me.. venting my frustrations at certain drivers.. especially women, old people and truck drivers.. Yes, I know I'm a woman too.. but honestly.. some women really don't know how to drive!  
-_grumbles_-  
"Lona.. relax! Perhaps I should drive?" Chloe offers, leaning forward a little.  
"No! I can drive perfectly myself thank you, besides.. isn't there something you'd like to tell Will? Isn't this about the perfect time for that? Seeing as you two are sitting together and all?" I ask her, winking at her in my rear view mirror.

"Oh.. right.. I suppose so.. Will.. honey?"  
"Yes?"  
"I've got something to tell you.."

**_A few minutes later._**  
"Will.. wake up! There's no need for fainting right now! Wake up!"  
Hm.. he took it well..  
It takes him a little while.. but after a small half hour or so, Will finally starts to wake up again. The first thing he sees is Chloe, with a worried look on her face. Will smiles groggily.  
"Hi dear.. I just had the strangest dream.. we were in a coach of some sort.. with Jack and Lona and this evil person.. and you told me we were having a baby!" Jack snickers softly.  
"Will.. honey.. it wasn't a dream.. I'm pregnant!" Chloe whispers in his ear.

Will blinks, his brains trying to register this new bit of information, this time without the fainting part.  
"We're.. really having a baby? That's.. that's.. fantastic! Oh Chloe.. I love you so much!" Will starts kissing and hugging his wife. And some more kissing and hugging.. and yet a little more.. and.. okay..  
"Will you two lovebirds please stop doing that?" I ask, frowning at them in my mirror.  
"Lona.. are we there yet?" Jack whines.  
"Almost"  
"Ok.. " Jack is quiet for a few seconds.. "Lona?"  
"Shut up.. almost!"  
"Ok.." Silence "Lona?"  
"We're here!"  
"Ok.. what?"  
Yes.. after 45 minutes of whining and romantic gibberish we've finally reached our destination.. Jasper's house!

Jack opens the car door and quickly jumps out of the car, followed suit by Barbossa. Chloe and Will remain in the car, smooching and being.. well.. glued to each other. I look at them.  
"If I come back and see you two doing anything that means that you'll have to take your clothes off.. you'll be in trouble.. the same goes if I discover any unidentified spots on the seating.. or.. spots I can identify but really wished I couldn't.. if you get what I mean.." This is greeted by complete and utter silence.. not considering some kissing noises. I sigh and shake my head.  
"Never mind.."

Jasper opens the front door and Jack simply runs upstairs, eager to retrieve his pants and thus, the treasure map.  
"Found it! Now let's go!" He shouts from upstairs. Barbossa quickly fetches Chloe and Will from the car. After a few seconds they join us in the living room, looking a bit flushed (Chloe and Will that is) and disgusted (Barbossa.. probably because of the mushy-ness).

When we reach Jasper's room, we find Jack, holding his precious treasure map in his hands. He's standing in front of the closet.  
"Come on luv.. let's get us back to the Golden Ages." Jack says, winking at me and flashing his golden teeth.  
"Golden ages? Hygiene was pretty much non existent.. murder, pillaging, pirates.. " Jasper mutters.  
" Exactly lad! Now let's go!"

_**Ok.. we have the map.. and MS is nowhere in sight!  
Please review, cc is highly appreciated.. almost just as high as a spellingchecker that also looks at grammar.. –kicks MS Word- Oh well.. **_


	20. Little adventures of our own

_**A/N Last chapter everyone. Sorry it took me so long to update.. but I really didn't feel like writing. Too hot, and thinking too much about this new story. But here it is! Hope you enjoyed the story, despite the fact that it didn't really have a plot.. or a lot of Jack and Will..**_

**_Here goes:_**

Chapter 20- Little adventures of our own.

We're back on the Black Pearl.. this time we got there in one go. I don't think I'll ever get used to wardrobes as a means of transportation. But hey, who's complaining? At least we're back.. and we're going to fetch the treasure, kill that blasted Mary Sue, somehow ditch Barbossa, and get back to the 21st century. Piece of cake, right?

Not.. You know how those journeys on ships always seem to take 2 days, perhaps even less in the movies? Well.. we've been sailing 4 whole days now.. and still no sign of this so called treasure. And I'm bored!  
"Jack.. are we there yet?"  
"Well luv, just ask your boyfriend. He's the one up there in the crow's nest."  
Almost as if he could hear us talking, Jasper shouts down: "LAND HO!"  
"Ho? Ho what?" Chloe asks.  
"Well.. I don't know.. it's something I always hear in the movies and stuff" Jasper mutters, climbing down the mast.

And finally we see something on the horizon, a little dark speck. Could be an island.

Unfortunately.. ships don't sail that fast, so it took us nearly another day to get near the island.  
Early the next morning Jack wakes us, it's time to leave the ship.  
"Everybody in the longboats!" Jack roars when we're close enough to go to shore.

"Good morning everyone," a voice sounds behind us "Glad to see everyone up so early. Now.. if everybody would be so kind to just go inside Captain Sparrow's cabin, I'd be much obliged."

Barbossa turns around, grinning.  
"Ah, Mary, I was wondering what took you so long."  
Mary smiles at her brother, and points her gun at us.  
"I thought I asked you all a favor, now please, my patience is running low," She waves with her gun at Jack "You, Sparrow, hand the map to my brother, Gary."  
Chloe cocks an eyebrow, her hand protective on her stomach.  
"Gary? Gary Barbossa?"  
"Not really" Mary sneers, while taking the map from Jack "Mary and Gary Sue, Barbossa adopted us, tried to turn us into pirates. But we didn't see any profit in it for us. When he died, he left us this map. We're only going to claim what's rightfully ours."

Gary pushes Will into the cabin, and in the same movement grabs his own gun.  
"Indeed, dear sister. Now.. she has asked you people twice.. I suggest you get down here very quickly"  
One by one, we all descend into the room. Jasper is last, but when he walks down the stairs, Gary grabs his arm.  
"Not you, you are going with us, to keep us company."  
Will's face looks pale.  
"Barbossa! You bastard!" He shouts, his voice sounding hoarse.  
Gary smirks.  
"Sticks and stones lad, words won't hurt me. But this sword will hurt and even kill your friend, so don't bother coming after us"  
He pushes Jasper into Mary's arms, who immediately grabs a firm hold of him. She grins at me and I feel jealousy burning in my stomach. Still grinning, she puts her nose in Jasper's neck and gives him a little kiss just below his earlobe.

"And who knows? If you behave like a nice little girl, we might even let him live.. after I've had my fun with him. After all.. he sure is a fine man.." Mary tells us in her sweet voice, before giving Jasper a quick lick on his cheek, then she turns around, walking away with Jasper pushed out before her, the gun pointed at his head.  
"Wait!" Jack cries out, "What did you do to Norrington!"

Mary looks over her shoulder, a lopsided grin on her face "I locked him in his own jail, his own wig stuffed in his mouth. Don't worry, I didn't kill the filthy little traitor. That's something I'll leave to you, after all.. you were the ones he betrayed"  
After those words, she starts laughing. A very witchy laugh. Very scary. Well.. witches aren't scary, but the way she laughs is scary. Gary closes the door, locking it with a key he seemingly magically laid his hands on.

"Well.. this is just great." Chloe mumbles. Jack and Will are staring at me. I feel hot.. very hot.. very angry. I keep on staring at the closed door, clenching my jaws, gritting my teeth.  
"Lona.. why are you balling and then relaxing your fists like that? You're making me nervous."  
Will says, looking at me awkwardly.  
I ignore him, and I can feel the anger and jealousy building up inside me.  
Jack puts his arm around Will's shoulder and gently leads him away from me  
"Just let her be for a moment lad, we need to figure out a way to save the lad"

An hour later I'm still standing at the same spot, very angry.. Finally I can't control myself any longer.  
"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT OBNOXIOUS, ANNOYING, MANIPULATING, IRRITATING LITTLE WENCH! AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!" I shout at the door, which, of course, doesn't respond. I start pounding my fists on said door, but it doesn't budge.  
"That isn't going to work luv," Jack says, his voice sounding sympathetic "We're stuck in here for a little while"  
"Like hell we aín't" I growl at him, looking around me.

"Jack, Will, grab that bench and go stand at the far end of the room. Chloe.. get out of my way!" Together with the two guys I pick up the bench.  
"Okay, when I count to three, we start running towards the door, forcing it open with this bench.. 1..2...3.. GO!"  
With a loud crash the door finally gives way.  
"Where is she! I want to throttle her! Keelhaul her! Hang her!" I yell at the clouds, the deck, the birds.. everything that can be yelled at.  
"Lona, calm down. We're going after them, okay?" Will shushes me.  
"Let's go.. NOW!" Fuming with anger I stomp towards the longboats. Stopping briefly in my march, I turn to glare at the island.  
"If you even TRY to touch my boyfriend.. I'll skewer you like a shiskebab! UNDERSTOOD!" I shout at the top of my voice. When I receive no reply from the island, I nod, and jump into the boat.

"Onwards!".

-**_In a mysterious cave on the island_**-

"Jack, we're lost"  
"Nah, we're not lost, I just don't know where we are at the moment. But that's only temporary"  
"Yes, because at some point, we're bound to die of hunger and thirst"  
"Who asked you something missy I'm-pregnant-so-I.. erhm.. erhm.. -I'm-pregnant?"  
"Will you all be quiet for a minute? I can't even hear myself thinking." I whisper at the trio.  
"That's because you're a woman lass, they're not designed for thinkin'. " Jack whispers back, his gold teeth glinting faintly in the dark.  
"Jack?"  
"Yes luv?"  
"Shut up"

At the end of a tunnel a faint light is seen, and slowly we crawl towards it. The light appears to be a cave, lit by torches. In the middle of it all, I can see Barbossa/Gary digging a hole. Next to the hole, Jasper is tied to a chair, with Mary sitting on his lap, facing him.  
"That little brat, I'm going to show her what I'll do with any girl who dares to touch my boyfriend like that." I hiss, my eyes narrowed.

Will grabs my ankle, stopping my from charging forward, intend on killing that little, good for nothing girl.  
"As Jack always says.. wait for the opportune moment." Chloe whispers in my ear.

"Mary, there's nothing here! That old man lied to us!" Barbossa complains, shoveling another pile of dirt out of the hole.  
"Why on earth would he do that? I had him wound around my little finger, he wouldn't dare lie to me," Mary giggles while she wiggles her pinkie in front of Jasper's nose, "Just keep digging, dear brother. The treasure isn't far now."  
Groaning, Gary continues with his hard work.

Mary turns her full attention on Jasper again  
"Now my little pet, where were we? Oh yes.. you were about to tell me that you love me, and not that filthy creature you call a girlfriend"

"THAT'S IT!" I shout, jumping up and walking towards them. I grab the pistol Gary conveniently left lying there, and point it at Mary. "You get your slimy hands off my boyfriend and crawl back under the stone you came from!" I snarl at her.  
In the meanwhile, Jack and Will keep Gary under sword point, not that that's absolutely necessary, he's too exhausted to do anything. Mary isn't impressed by my action, she simply smiles again and turns around on Jasper's lap, facing me.

"Now, now dear.. don't be rash. You wouldn't kill little old me? Well.. obviously I'm not old.. but still.. you wouldn't kill.. would you?" she asks, slowly extending her hand towards my gun. I take a step back, not saying a word.  
Mary shrugs and stands up from Jasper's lap. Finally.  
"You know darling? I knew you wouldn't have the guts to shoot me, you can't even keep your boyfriend satisfied, I was thís close to convincing him to leave you.. you know what he said? He said I was.."  
"I didn't say anything..," Jasper says, interrupting her "but I will now.. you are the most pathetic little thing I ever saw. You think everyone is jealous of you.. but they simply loathe you. Men don't like you for you, they like you for your body. I like Lona for both, sure.. she isn't a supermodel, or a rocket scientist, she isn't the most perfect creature in the world.. she isn't.."  
"Jasper.. get to the point already" I interrupt, rolling my eyes.  
"Oh.. right.. the point is: You will never be as good as my girl is Mary.. go see some psychiatrist with your problems, you need it"

Mary's mouth opens and closes again, she can't say a word.

Not taking any chances about her saying anything, I give her a good whack across the jaw. Causing her to fall down unconscious.. Damn.. that felt good.. Norrington will be pleased to have her in his jail. Barbossa simply watches this all, then turns to Jack.  
"The map is fake, it'll be useless to you."

Jack grins his famous golden grin.  
"It isn't fake, mate. Your father was a pirate, he couldn't draw a honest treasure map if his life depended on it. You just have to know how to read it." Jack grabs the map, turns it 90 degrees and starts digging. After a few minutes the shovel hits something.. it's a chest. A wooden chest. A pirate chest.

Excited with the anticipation, we all huddle together over the chest. With trembling fingers Jack opens it.. Inside the chest. we see...

Dirty laundry.. and a note:  
"Dear son and daughter.. All these years I've tried to raise you as pirates, as my own flesh and blood. You denied everything I taught you. I left you a treasure map to a pirates treasure.. but since you two never wanted to be pirates.. you have no right to any PIRATE treasure.. With love.. your father"  
"Well..that seems a bit childish for Barbossa" Chloe remarks.  
"Yeah..well..pirate" Will says, smirking a little.

Jack, looking baffled and a little defeated, throws the clothes out of the chest, looking for anything that might be worth a little. But he finds nothing.

-**_Two weeks later_**-  
Jasper and I are sitting on his couch, snuggled comfy together, watching POTC on DVD.  
"Well.. everything turned out fine.. Chloe is still pregnant, she and Will are moving to a bigger house. Jack is out pillaging and plundering other ships and towns, Gary and Mary are in jail and Norrington is Commodore once again." I sigh happily when Jasper gives me a little kiss.

"Yes.. I'm glad we're all through with this little adventure" Jasper says, standing up and walking to the refrigerator to get a cold beer.  
"Oh.. didn't I tell you? Chloe asked us if we could visit when the baby has arrived"  
Carrying two bottles of beer, Jasper strolls back and hands me a bottle. Looking thoughtful he sits down and takes a sip.  
"Yeah.. well.. that isn't a problem I think.. but first we have to do one little thing.."  
"And that is?"  
"Finish our Sims game of course!"

Hm.. I guess it isn't as bad as having a Sue around.. I smile and give Jasper a kiss.. he takes me in his arms and we lie down on the couch.. perhaps.. someday.. we'll have another adventure in Port Royal.. but for now, we're content enough with little adventures of our own.  
--  
**_And there you have it! I'm trying my hand on a dramatic story this time, instead of mostly humor, and in Dutch instead of English. I'll have to ask FF first, but perhaps I'll translate it to English after it's finished.. _**

_**Until we meet again!**_

Love, Lona 


End file.
